God was a Jew and other jokes

[VINDICATOR]

Latest post of the previous page:

If you think that you can assimilate the Muslims then you have another think coming! We are the ones who are slowly but surely being assimilated! Take a look at what is happening to the ECHR, The European Court of Human Rights that used to be on our side:
On Oct. 25, the ECHR announced that Frau S. was guilty of "inciting religious hatred" when she called Mohammed a pedophile for marrying a 6 year old girl (Aishah). In contrast, on July 17, the ECHR denounced Russia for convicting the "Pussy Riot Band" for inciting religious hatred by staging a performance of "Punk Prayer" in Moscow's Christ the Savior Cathedral! In other words, the ECHR prohibits insulting Islam, but condones insulting Christianity!
Hurry up and get used to eating "Halil meat" and loudspeakers blaring out to you to come and prostrate yourself to Allah 5 times a day! Do you have legal problems? Take them to the local Shariah Court!

[VINDICATOR]

What happens when a country goes Islam? Take a look at Pakistan:
8 years ago in Pakistan, a Christian woman, Asia Bibi, was working with some Muslim women. When she handed them a bowl of water they refused to drink it because they said it was touched by a non-Muslim! So they got into an argument. Then the Women reported Bibi to the police for "blasphemy" which calls for the death-sentence! So Bibi was sentenced to hang in 2010! She appealed for 8 years and finally was commuted last Friday. But then hundreds of thousands of Muslims took to the streets in violent demonstrations all over Pakistan demanding death for Bibi! So Bibi can't leave the prison or she'll be murdered! ie. she's been sentenced to life in prison by the people!
Now take a look at the US. We have given asylum to millions of illegal aliens who call themselves "refugees", but they are actually just here to "milk the American cow" getting free food, free medical care, free education, etc. paid for by the taxpayers. What's funny is that all Americans (except Trump) welcome them! However, The USA and UK refuse asylum for bona fida refugees seeking asylum including Asia Bibi and family!
Also, in Pakistan 8000 girls are murdered annually for refusing to marry the man who "bought " her. It's called "honor killing"!
Pakistan is also the sanctuary for the Taliban who shot Malala in the head because she championed education for girls.
The most frightening thing about Pakistan is that it has nukes. Maybe they will nuke the next "Charlie Hebdo"! Are you prepared??

[VINDICATOR]

OK, That's enough on the Muslims. Christianity is just as funny if not more-so! Here's a joke from the Irish Central:
In Northern Ireland, a woman who has been raped and tries to get an abortion can get a longer prison sentence than the rapist! You can thank the Catholic Church for that joke.
In the US many doctors that perform abortions have been murdered!
This is all very "funny" because the Church says that abortion is "murder". When God murdered the whole human race in a Great Flood, he murdered hundreds of millions of women and children and babies. Millions of pregnant women were murdered including the fetuses they were carrying. When God does the murdering that's fine!
The Church murdered at least 12 million people by burning at the stake in the Inquisition, Witch-Hunts, etc. When the Church does it, that's fine too!
But wait. The Bible says that you were alive even before conception. That means that birth control is also murder!
There are tens of thousands of children all over the World who starve to death every year. I call this "abortion after birth" which is OK. Birth control would have prevented this but that is counter protocol and a sin!
BTW, is Northern Ireland part of the UK or does it belong to EU? What happens to it after Brexit?

[VINDICATOR]

When I studied German in my school-days, our teacher encouraged us to learn by telling us jokes in German. He said, "German is very easy to learn. I will tell you a joke in German and smile if you get it and frown if you don't."
Then he told this joke. Smile if you get it!
First part in English: There was a man who got home very late every day. He would lie on his bed and take off his big shoes one at a time and drop them on the floor one at a time: Bang!---Bang! Then he would go to sleep.
The man living on the floor below liked to go to sleep early, but kept being woke up every night by the shoes banging on the floor one at a time! Finally he went upstairs and requested that his neighbor put his shoes quietly down. His neigbor begged pardon and said he would. That night the man upstairs came home late as usual, took off a shoe and dropped it on the floor with a Bang! Suddenly he remembered that he promised his neighbor below to lay down his shoes quietly. So he took off the second shoe and placed it silently on the floor. Then he went to sleep. In an hour or two someone came knocking on his door. It was the man below. His eyes were bleary and he held on to the wall to keep from falling down! This is what he said (the punch line in German): "Wenn lassen sie die anderen shue fallen?"
There might be some wrong spelling because I'm writing from memory.

[VINDICATOR]

Have you seen the reports coming in from another bastion of the Religious Mafia (HRC) in El Salvador? A young girl was raped and sentenced to 30 years in prison for abortion! Another raped girl gets only 20 years in prison, because her abortion failed and she bore the rape fruit alive. This creates a very interesting problem. Since the whole World cursed Trump for separating children from their parents, that means that the rape fruit child would have to stay wth it's mother in prison for 20 years! Imagine, a new born baby being sentenced to 20 years in prison! Have you ever heard anything funnier? It's so funny that it brought tears to my eyes!
Fellow Humanists, gird up your loins, the battle is not done yet!

[VINDICATOR]

Do you know how much fear the UK government has of the Muslims? I just saw in today's CNN that the reason Theresa May govt. won't grant Asia Bibi asylum is because they're afraid that the Pakistan Muslim mobs will over-run their Embassy and kill the staff there! Reman Chisti, former vice chairman of the Conservative Party was so disgusted with the fraidy-cat policy that he resigned! The Muslim mobs have not only taken over Pakistan, they're beginning to take over the UK run by Theresa May! What do you Brits have to say about that?

[VINDICATOR]

Thanksgiving again! Do you Brits celebrate Thanksgiving? Here's some Thanksgiving jokes. My old friends will recognize some of them but maybe they forgot the answers. Try to reason out the answers to the questions. The answers below are only for retarded people!

Questions:
1-If April showers bring May flowers, What do Mayflowers bring?
2-Why did the Police arrest the turkey?
3-If the Pilgrims were alive today what would they be famous for?
4-Where do you find a turkey with no legs?
5-What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by it's diameter?
6-Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
7-Why did the turkey cross the road?

Answers:
1-Pilgrims of course.
2-He was under suspicion of fowl play.
3-They would be over 400 years old. You only find such people in the Bible!
4- Turkeys can't fly, with no legs it couldn't walk, so you would find it in the same place you left it.
5-Pumpkin pi of course.
6-The outside.
7-The chicken was on vacation!

[VINDICATOR]

In my post yesterday I forgot to mention that according to the Bible human evolution is in reverse. In Biblical times humans could often live for 900 years! Noah and his sons repopulated the whole World when they were over 600 years old! Today you're considered lucky if you can live to 80! I don't think that there is any animal today that can reproduce when it is 600 years old!

I saw in CNN today that the UK will soon be a Third World country. The number of homeless people in the UK is about 1/3 of a million and increasing at a rate of about 1,000 per month! More than half of them are in London! I don't understand why you spend all your money on taking care of the immigrants but let your own people sleep on the streets!

[VINDICATOR]

It's interesting how religion can turn ordinary people into complete idiots! Again I saw an interesting item in today's CNN that proves this point. This is the gist:
A South Korean Mega-Pastor Lee Jae-rock with 130,000 followers in Korea (and also goes international) has just been sentenced to 15 years in prison for raping at least 42 girls. They were subjugated to psychological pressure and thought they were in the hands of God! He probably used that "immaculate conception" scam and maybe the girls thought that they were "Mary" and would give birth to a "Jesus"!
He probably got the inspiration from Joseph Smith (Founder of Mormon Church) who had 40 wives, most in their teens. Whenever Smith saw a pretty girl he wanted to lay, he would go to her parents and tell them they will have difficulty going to Heaven unless they give their daughter to him to marry! This scam worked every time he tried it! It makes me ashamed to be a member of the same human race!

[VINDICATOR]

First, let me thank the "Think Humanism Forum" for letting me rant off my geeky posts. For instance, when I suggest that Lucifer's "Hell" might be much more enjoyable than God's "Heaven", (see my post on "Near Death Experiences"). I like to turn ordinary concepts inside out! That's how I am in daily life too. It often leads to heated arguments with my friends/relatives. The reason is because when I was young I was indoctrinated into Christianity, and after I freed myself from the shackles of religion, I wondered how I could have ever believed in all that bull-shit! I was ashamed of myself! So I am skeptical of all things that I think are man-made shackles. The Christian Church during it's history was sometimes worse than Hitler's Third Reich! Did you ever raise cats? Here's a joke about cats:

Friend 1: I heard that your cat just bore a litter of kittens, are they all good Christians？
Friend 2: Certainly!

2 weeks later:
Friend 1: Are those kittens still good Christians?
Friend 2: No, they are all Atheists now!
Friend 1: How come?
Friend 2: All cats are born with their eyes closed for a duration of 14 days. They just opened their eyes this morning!

[VINDICATOR]

I saw some very thought-provoking news on the "RT News" today:
A Russian Priest "heiromonk Meletiy Andry Tkchenko was just sentenced to 17 years in prison for raping 46 boys under 14 years old and molesting another 90! (That's a pretty lenient sentence compared to the 20 years that a young girl was sentenced to for trying to get an abortion after a rape in San Salvador!) The interesting part is that the Eastern Orthodox Church didn't even strip Andry of his Priest-hood! This proves that that you can't blame the Pope of the Catholic Church, This is a disease of all Churches, including that one in South Korea, Mormons, Islam, etc. Well then, what is the common denominator?
The common denominator is GOD! God is the culprit, The Virgin Mary isn't the only girl he raped. He had thousands of sons from rapes . Look up "Nephilim" in the Bible! God worship is the Cult of Rape!

[VINDICATOR]

The UK is degenerating into a Third World Country. See the CNN News for Nov. 30. According to CNN, from April 2017 to March 2018 at least 5000 girls in the UK were confirmed to have had the FGM operation! Since it is all done in secret, the actual number is at least twice as much! Don't let them fool you, it is not a circumcision. If the equivalent operation were performed on a man it means that his whole penis would have to be chopped off! All erogenous tissue is cut out leaving only scar tissue, so the girl has no pleasure from sex, only pain! For a more detailed account see my recent post. As Leathen Bartholomew, head of the National FGM Centre said, "This is only the tip of the iceberg, because most cases go undetected!" No wonder some people are calling the UK the "UKaliphate"!

[VINDICATOR]

Today's CNN has an article entitled: "130,000 children will be homeless at Christmas in The UK this year!" Is that true? Is it in the UK media? OR do you have to find out on foreign media such as CNN? It also said that it is worst in London where there is an average of 28 homeless children in every school! I used to be proud of the British Empire, but it's rapidly turning into a Third World Country! You can always settle in the USA where Trump has sworn to MAGA! But wait--there are millions of beggar immigrants storming the US borders! and the Democrats are cheering them on! When they crash the border the US will be on the way to become a Third World Country too! I think Ireland would be a better place to live.

[VINDICATOR]

Someone said I'm not fair, always picking the nits in the UK. Ok, today let's see how the US is going down the toilet drain too. In today's Fox News you can see an article that says in the year 2017 at least 72,287 people died from drugs in the US, most of it coming through the porous border with Mexico. That's more than the combined war casualties in the 3 wars in Viet Nam, Afghanistan and Iraq! I imagine the reason Uk is better is because it's harder to get drugs there. I guess you shouldn't immigrate to US either!

[VINDICATOR]

Today is the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. Did you know that the Japs were doing us a favor and saved our civilization by attacking Pearl Harbor? If you think I'm crazy then think again. At that time, the USA was steeped in isolationism and swore that they would never again "pull other Nation's chestnuts out of the fire" like they did in WW I. IF the US really didn't take part in WW II, Hitler would have conquored all of Europe and Tojo would have conquered all of Asia! The World would be a totalitarion nightmare! The day after Pearl Harbor Roosevelt declared war on Japan, of course, and Hitler was forced to declared war on the US, of course, and we were thrown into the "Crusade" to save mankind! And we won! Try to imagine what the World would be like if Hitler and Tojo had won the war! The Japs made a serious mistake when they attacked Pearl Harbor! Thanks for making that mistake, Tojo! Even Hitler cursed the Japs for their stupidity!
Britain was very heroic in the battle against Hitler, but could not have won battling the whole Wheirmark just by themselves.

[VINDICATOR]

Today, December 8, is the day Christians celebrate "Immaculate Conception"!
Do you know what the “immaculate conception” is？
Most people think it means the way God layed The Virgin Mary impregnating her with his sperm to make Jesus without all the dirty sexual enjoyment. Not so. The "immaculate conception" which the Catholic Church invented, refers to the laying of Mary's mother Saint Anne by her father Saint Joachim in a way that Mary was prevented from being infected with "original sin"! This could prevent Jesus from being infected by original sin! It's quite funny that this Catholic invention was accepted by the Muslims in their Kuran!
Todays standard greeting is "Merry Immaculate Conception!"

[VINDICATOR]

I forgot yesterday to mention the fact that since both of Muhammed's parents were humans, they would both have to be "immaculately conceived" if they wanted their son to be perfect without sin! This is obviously not the case, so that is probably the reason why the religion he founded is such an evil cult!

[VINDICATOR]

So much for UK and USA. Now lets take a look at France.
The French are making a new revolution! Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake! Macron says "Let them eat "green energy"! The poor can't afford cake, neither can they afford green energy! Macron is a nice guy. Macron is doing his best to save the World from an environmental catastrophy, but his plan is not workable. Do you know how much "green energy" costs? I have a friend who is an engineer and he introduced me to the cost of green energy.
First of all, let's take a look at sun power. Yes, it's very cheap. The problem is that the sun only shines in the daytime. However, the bulk of electricity is used after sundown, so it has to be stored up somehow. It is impossible to store so much energy in batteries, the only feasable storage of so much energy would be by pumped storage, ie. working the hydro-electric plants in reverse during the day to pump water up to a reservoir and using this water to generate power at night. The construction of such a system is very expensive. The result is that the cost of electric power would go up several times! More over, the manufacture of solar cells creates an immense amount of poisonous waste! That is why most countries prohibit their production!
Second of all, wind power is very clean and renewable. However, the cost of a windpower system would be several times to that of an equivalent rating to a standard power plant. The electricity that a generator in a standard power plant produces might be equal to 500 wind turbines. The output of all these turbines would have to be collected by an enormous underground grid of cables with very complicated metering and fault containment! This system would also be very vulnerable to hurricanes, earthquakes, vandalism, etc.
Third of all, the electric car. The electric car is at least twice the cost of a gas-buggy. All electric cars are subsidised by the government, otherwise nobody would buy one! Where does the government get the money to subsidise the electric car? by raising the cost of oil, of course! The electric car is a scam! It uses a battery that has to be recharged. And where do they get the charge from? From the power plant that burns coal! That doesn't reduce the carbon footprint! Moreover, the production of batteries produces an enormous quantity of poison!
Fourth of all, airplanes. Airplanes gobble up an enormous amount of fuel oil. At present, nobody has invented a way for ordinary airplanes to fly without fuel oil.
I am very pessimistic about our ability to save the environment!

[VINDICATOR]

Some news from Brazil:
The celebraty "faith healer" Joao Teixeira de Faria, known as "John of God", Used his penis to cure at least 200 women in Brazil. He said he could even cure cancer! He even raped his own daughter from the age of 10 until she got pregnant at 14. Then he beat her until she had a miscarriage!
Many sex demons use religion to satisfy their sex perversion. Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormons, had 40 wives, many underaged. Mohammed had at least 16 wives, the youngest, Aishiah, was only six years old! No need for me to tell you about the Catholic pedo-Priests!
To be fair, not only men use religion for crime. In Ireland, two Catholic nuns embezzled half a million dollars to go gambling in a Casino! Imagine how many offering plates that would take!

[VINDICATOR]

Most of my posts are probably so "funny" that they make you want to cry. Today I will will tell you a joke that is "ha-ha-funny" that will make you smile at least!

Putin was riding in his limousine on the way to an important meeting. He was a bit late because he had been flirting with one of his adorers. He looked at his million-ruble watch and frowned.
He said to the driver: "Step harder on the gas. I'm going to be late!"
The driver said: "l've alredy exceeded the speed limit, if I go any faster the cops will catch us!"
Putin said: "You come here and sit in the back, I'll do the driving!" Putin learned how to drive super-fast when he was a special agent!
Putin drove so fast that several cops chased him. But no cop dared to arrest him and they let him go.
When they returned to the police station empty-handed, the Commander asked in furor: Why didn't you arrest him? Who was he?"
　Ｔｈｅｙ　ｒｅｐｌｉｅｄ：　＂Ｗｅ　ｄｏｎ＇ｔ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｗｈｏ　ｈｅ　ｗａｓ，　ｂｕｔ　ｈｉｓ　ｃｈａｕｆｆｅｕｒ　ｗａｓ　Ｐｕｔｉｎ！！＂

[VINDICATOR]

Suzie was a girl student at a parochial primary school who was bored of education. The night before, Suzie played video games till very late, so she kept falling asleep while the teacher, a nun, went rambling on about religion.
Suddenly the teacher called out: "Tell me Suzie, who created the universe?"
Since Suzie was napping, Her friend Johnny who sat right behind her jabbed her behind with a pencil to wake her up.
"God Almighty" yelled Suzie, and went back to sleep.
The nun said "Very good!" and continued to rant. After a while, she asked Suzie again "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
Since Suzie was asleep, Johnny jabbed her again in the behind with the pencil.
"Jesus Christ!" yelled Suzie. and went back to sleep again.
"Very good" said the nun and continued to ramble. Then she said "Suzie, Tell us what Eve said to Adam after she had her 23rd child?"
Suzie's friend Johnny came to her rescue again stabbing her behind with the pencil.
Then Suzie jumped up and yelled: "If you stick that damn thing into me one more time I'll break it in half!"
Then the nun fainted!