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God was a Jew and other jokes

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
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VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#401 Postby VINDICATOR » September 14th, 2018, 1:55 pm

Latest post of the previous page:

What comes after the Christian era? If you think that the downfall of the Christian Church will make me happy then you don't understand human history. At the present stage of evolution, humanity needs a religion to fill up man's spiritual vacuum. There are very few humans like us who are content with the concept of no after-life. They all yearn to go to Heaven and are afraid of going to Hell! Christianity is dying a slow death, but Islam is trying to take over the World! As things are going now, it is projected that Islam will become the predominant religion before the end of tha Century! I don't know about you, but i'd much rather see a Christian world than a Muslim world! Therefore we should keep the pressure on the Church to reform, such as Ireland is doing, but at the same time ensure that the pressure isn't so stong thay it destroys the Church! Islam needs a "Reformation" too, but I'm very pessemistic about that! The only Reformation in it's 14 Century history is that women are now allowed to drive cars in Saudi Arabia!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#402 Postby VINDICATOR » September 16th, 2018, 4:11 pm

How about an up-to-date limerick?

A haughty Cult leader in Rome
Wants to make the whole World his home.
But his fearful pedo' army of Priests
Makes people realize they're just beasts!
:laughter:

Come on everybody, let's hear yours!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#403 Postby VINDICATOR » September 17th, 2018, 1:00 pm

Some more on FGM:
Calling FGM "circumcision" is a lie. Male circumcision is the removal of the fore-skin which is an entirely useless piece of skin on the penis. Circumcision is actually beneficial to hygene and enhances sexual pleasure. I know because I have been circumcised because my parents thought it was beneficial to health.
In FGM, the entire clitoris is cut out, often the libia and other erogenous zones are cut out too. The purpose is to inhibit sexual tendencies of a woman so her husband can be assured of her fidelity. This is a very barbaric treatment of women and is outlawed in most civilized countries. However, it is very seldom enforced. Since it is outlawed, it is never done in a hospital operating room. It is usually done by a quack doctor or witch-doctor without aneasthetics or antibiotics using a rusty razor blade in a filthy environment! You can imagine the casualties coming from this operation! To guarantee that the girl is a virgin at marriage, after the operation the girl is sewn up tight leaving only a tiny hole to urinate from! When she gets married and the husband wants to have sex, she has to be cut open again! When she bears a child she has to be cut open larger! Afterwards she is sewn up again! (She should have a zipper installed!)
Witch-doctors are difficult to find in Europe and America so the girls are usually taken abroad for FGM.
The Quran does not sell FGM, but Mohammed in his Hadiths promotes it! There are several Cults that promote FGM besides Islam.
Imagine, FGM in the 21st Century! Anyway, it's better than burning to death at the stake! Humanism still has a long struggle ahead! The battle is not done yet!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#404 Postby VINDICATOR » September 19th, 2018, 5:55 am

Kudos, Britain!
Did you ever hear of Frank Foley? He was a true British hero during WW II who risked his life to save at least 10,000 jews from the holocaust! By comparrison the famous Oskar Schindler only saved about 1,000. (See today's CNN news). Hundreds of people from scores of countries were helping the Jews escape. Besides Foley and Schindler, Irene Sendler of Poland saved at least 2,500 children, Ho Feng-Shan of China saved about 3,000. You can find a detailed list in Wikipedia.
God was leading the Jews to the "Promised Land" for Centuries. He called them his "Chosen People"! He had a covenant with them. So how many Jews did God save from the Holocaust? Not a single one! God double-crossed the Jews! Hitler gassed the Jews and then burned them up. Then God sent them all to Hell to burn for eternity because they refused to accept his bastard son (born out of wedlock)as their Messiah! I can't understand how anyone would want to worship such a demon! God is now on the verge of double-crossing the Christians. He has changed his name to "Allah" and is putting all his chips on Islam! Watch out, dear Christians, don't say I didn't warn you!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#405 Postby VINDICATOR » September 19th, 2018, 11:55 am

Kudos Ireland!
Today Ireland made the 36th Ammendment to their Constitution so abortion is now legal in Ireland! The Pope lost again! The writing on the wall says that the Catholic Church is on it's last legs!

Nobody seemed to notice that the last line to my limerick on the Pope had a missing line. I was hoping that someone would bring it to my attention, or put in a line. Guess I'll have to do it myself. The complete limerick is:

A haughty Cult leader in Rome
Wants to make the whole World his home.
but his fearful pedo' army of priests
makes people realize they're just beasts.
So he's only suitable to rule in a catacomb!

:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:

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animist
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Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#406 Postby animist » September 21st, 2018, 2:02 pm

my slightly less savage version of your idea, Vinnie:

The Holy Father in Rome
Would take the whole world to his dome.
But the army of beasts
Claiming to be Catholic priests
Should keep him securely at home

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animist
Posts: 6453
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#407 Postby animist » September 22nd, 2018, 11:59 am


VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#408 Postby VINDICATOR » September 23rd, 2018, 3:56 pm

Hey, animist, how can you compare God with a dog? Did you ever own a dog?
Dogs don't wipe out the whole human race in a Great Flood, they don't create a Hell to burn you for eternity, dogs don't condone slavery, etc.! Dogs are more moral than God! They also don't start wars, they don't do holocausts, they don't rape little boys and girls, they don't con you, they don't create religions to fleece you, etc. In general, dogs are even more moral than people. I have heard many instances where a dog will sacrifice his own life to save his master. He is man's best friend! I know a man who was so attached to his dog that he said if his dog wasn't allowed into heaven, then he would go wherever his dog went!
Ok, now animist, apologize to the dogs!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#409 Postby VINDICATOR » September 26th, 2018, 6:04 pm

Dear animist,
When I said "apologize to the dogs" I was being sarcastic. I hope you didn't take me seriously!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#410 Postby VINDICATOR » September 29th, 2018, 3:10 pm

Only after eating "Forbidden Fruit" were Adam and Eve aware of sex and ashamed of their nakedness. That was what made God so mad. God had a monopoly on sex, even the angels were prohibitted from sex. Lucifer was kicked out of Heaven for wanting to establish freedom of sex! God layed virgins from all over the Cosmos! He had innumeral sons from these lays. They are called Nephilim. Look it up in the Bible! This reminds me of a conversation between two very young children:
Child 1: "How can they tell if a new born baby is a boy or a girl?"
Child 2; "You can't. You have to wait till after they have put on clothes."
Evidently they hadn't eaten any "Forbidden Fruit" yet!
This is a true story but I can't remember who the children were.

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#411 Postby VINDICATOR » September 30th, 2018, 5:35 pm

Here's a joke with nothing to do about religion:
What's the difference between a rooster, Uncle Sam, and an old maid? (Brits may not know what/who Uncle Sam is, Google it)
If you can't answer, then see my next post!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#412 Postby VINDICATOR » October 1st, 2018, 11:53 am

Here's the answer:
A rooster says: "Cocka doodle doo!"
Uncle Sam says: "Yankee doodle doo!"
An old maid says: "Any dude 'll do!"

:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#413 Postby VINDICATOR » October 8th, 2018, 3:53 pm

We now know that the knowable universe is 92 billion light years across, and contains about a trillion (American numbers) galaxies. Why is it so immense?
Have you ever wondered how big Heaven and Hell are? To estimate their size you would have to know how many people go to Heaven and Hell respectively.
Presently only about 30% of the World population is Christian. That means that presently at least 70% of humanity is headed for Hell! But wait! To go to Heaven you have to honestly believe that Jesus is God! Most Christians don't really worship Jesus, a large portion of them are afraid of going to Hell and just go to Church to buy "Fire Insurance" like Pascal did. (Look up Pascal's Wager") You can't fool God, all these "Pascals" are going to Hell! Then there are the "Mega Pastors" with a fleet of private jets, they go to Hell too. Even inside the Church you have tens of thousands of "Pedo-Priests" raping children and thousands of more Priests doing cover-ups for them, including the Pope! Of course they go to Hell too. Probably only about 10% of the Christians are eligible for a ticket to Heaven. That means that only about 3% of the World population actually get to Heaven today! 97% go to Hell!
Then there are the billions of people who lived before Jesus was born. They obviously didn't worship Jesus, so they go to Hell too! Then there are those people whose ancestors didn't worship God. According to the Ten Commandments these people will all go to Hell too!
So you see, Hell would probably have to be at least 100 times larger than Heaven! That's why the universe is so large, otherwise Hell wouldn't fit in!!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#414 Postby VINDICATOR » October 11th, 2018, 12:22 pm

Ireland to train more "Excorsist Priests!
Today's "Irish Central" posted an article that makes me wonder if the Irish are "Jekyll and Hyde" cases! Here's the gist:
The Catholic Bishop Alphonsus Cullinan of the Waterford and Lismore Diocese has just formed a "delivery ministry" in Ireland which will use excorsism to rid people of "evil spirits"! He says he is "baffled why Ireland's Bishops have not trained more excorsists. Anyone who doesn't see the need for more excorsists is out of touch with reality!"
We have to be on the alert. Otherwise they will start a new "Witch Hunt"! I think that what they mean is that any Catholic trying to leave the Church is posessed by demons and must be excorsized!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#415 Postby VINDICATOR » October 12th, 2018, 3:51 pm

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
I just saw in today's CNN that Somalia, where 98% of the women have FGM, that 4 young girls just died of FGM operation recently. (Very few deaths are actually reported) Three of them bled to death, the other contrived tetanus! There is a photo of the "scalpel" used, it's made from an iron nail! They say that the deaths are an act of God, and does not break the law!
Did you know that over 5,000 British girls have FGM every year? Most are taken to countries like Somalia to do it because it's difficult to find a witch-doctor in Britain. I don't know who is doing this, but I'm sure it isn't the Christians! Aren't you going to do something about this? If I was British I would start a mass-movement!
See my Sept. 8th post to find out what FGM really is!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 477
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#416 Postby VINDICATOR » October 12th, 2018, 4:07 pm

If you want to see a detailed description of the FGM go to my post #403 of Sept. 17. Actually, I toned it down. I didn't say how many people it took to hold down the girl, how far her screams could be heard, how long it took to cut her up, What was used to sew her up, etc. I left it to your imagination!


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