God was a Jew and other jokes

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Latest post of the previous page:

Here is a joke to celebrate our victory over Catholic dogma:

The other day I went to the office and noticed that they were all smiling and pointing to my feet. I looked down and but didn't see anything wrong. I went over and asked my best friend what they were laughing about.
He said: "They are laughing at your feet. You have one green sock and one red sock, and you look like a walking traffic light!"
I said: "what's even funnier is that I have another pair of socks exactly the same!"

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So you think that only Islam is a bad religion that spawns evil cults like Boko Haram that kidnaps hundreds of school-girls for sex slaves, or ISIS that teaches their children how to behead infidels, or makes little girls into human bombs to blow themselves up in a crowd of infidels, etc? Listen to This conversation between a Muslim and a Christian:

Christian: "The evil clans that Islam has spawned, like Boko Haram, ISIS, Taliban, ALQaeda, etc. are turning the Middle East and Africa into a shit-hole with your jihaddis murdering hundreds of people every week or so! Your Allah is a butcher, whereas our God loves the World!"
Muslim: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! The "Peoples Temple" that Christianity spawned murdered more than 900 people including 305 children, all in one afternoon! It's called the"Jonestown Massacre"! You can freshen your memory by reading about it in the article in Fox News today called "This was murder". For your convenience here is the link:
http://www.foxnews.com/

"Oh Ho!" said the pot to the kettle, "You are dirty and filthy and black. No one would think tou were metal, unless you were given a crack!"
"Not so not so" kettle cried to the pot, "It's your own dirty image you see. For I am so clean without blemish or blot, that your blackness is mirrored in me!"

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This is what I saw on "Irish Central" today.
Headlines seen in Ireland after the abortion referendum: "The Death of Catholic Ireland". (A slow death) It started dying out about 20 years ago due to the never ending sex-scandals! There are still quite a few Catholics in Ireland, but few of them go to Church except at Easter or Christmas. And Priests are all dying from old age with no new generation to replace them. Some die-hard Priests warned those who voted "yes" in the referendum should hurry to confession before it's too late! They also said that they would not be allowed to take communion or get married at their Church! These Priests are very short sighted. They don't know the saying: "When you find yourself in a hole, then for heaven's sakes STOP DIGGING!" Pope Francis is a cunning old fox and realized that he couldn't influence the referendum so he shut up rather than make a fool of himself! That's called "saving face" in the orient!
I had some japanese friends and I once asked what religion do they worship? A young man answered: "It depends on the occasion. When we marry we become Christians, and get married in a Church. When we start up a new business we hire some Buddhist monks to pray for good luck. But when we die, then we are all good Shintos!" So you see why religion is so important!

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Hi Humanist friends,
I've just come back from making the rounds of God's Heaven, Allah's Heaven, Lucifer's Hades, Pastafarian Heaven, etc. and can tell you that the worst place is God's Heaven where they have to sing Hossanahs to their narcissistic God 24 hours a day 7 days a week. You have no family and there is no sex. Only God can lay virgins from all over the universe! Next worst is Allah's Heaven where the promised 72 virgins are virgin goats because there are so many jihadists blowing themselves up that they ran out of virgin girls long ago! The best are Lucifers hades where they are in a continuous orgy! The Pastafarian Heaven also has strippers and an iced beer volcano etc. I wanted to stay in Hades but Lucifer said that my mission on Earth wasn't finished so he sent me back. However, he promised to reserve me a place!

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Kudos again, Ireland!
From today's blog on "Irish Central" article on Sinead O'Conner:
The Pennsylvania Grand Jury found that more than 1000 children (some estimate several thousand) have been molested by300 Catholic Priests over the last 70 years! Moreover, "During the course of the investigation, the Grand Jury uncovered a ring of predatory Priests operating within the Pittsburgh Diocese who shared intelligence regarding victims and shared victims between themselves. They also manufactured child pornography and used whip violence and sadism in raping their victims. According to the Pennsylvania Attorney Josh Shapiro, a boy named George was forced to stand on a bed in a rectory, strip naked and post as Christ on the cross for the Priests. They took photos and added them to their collection of child pornography which they produced and shared on Church grounds!
Originally, the Catholic Church was just a tax-free scam to fleece the sheeple. But now it has evolved into a pleasure park for pedophile Priests free to do their evil and safe from the law!
The Pope is going to Ireland next week. It will be interesting to see how he will try to save the Church from going extinct there.

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Kudos, Sinead O'ConneR!
The popular Irish singer, now called Magda Davitt, has asked Pope Francis to grant her an official excommunication certificate and asked him to bring it along when he comes to Ireland next week! She called the Vatican "a nest of devils"! But she also said this about the Pope: "I actually like you, You're funny, very funny!"
So be sure to watch the news from Ireland next week when the Pope visits.

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Here's another joke from ancient China with a very clever end:
Once upon a time, there was an old scholar who wanted quiet to read and write. However, on one side of the house was a blacksmith, and on the other side was coppersmith. So he was surrounded by noise all day long. He was often heard to say that if they would move away he would treat them to a sumptuous dinner.
One day the blacksmith and coppersmith said to him, "If you treat us to dinner we will move the next day."
The next day the scholar treated them to dinner. After dinner the scholar asked, "Are you moving tomorrow?" They both answered "Yes." Then the Scholar asked: "Where will you move to?"
The two men said in unison: "I shall move to his house and he to mine!"

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Spain has heretics too!
Sister Lucia Caram, a nun in Spain, said that Mary was not a virgin. She had normal sex with her husband Joseph (so Jesus was not a bastard conceived in fornication)! She said having sex is natural and healthy and not a sin! Then she received many death threats from angry Catholics!
Maybe the "Church" wants to burn her at the stake for being a heretic like they did to millions of other heretics in the Inquisition! Victor Hugo estimated that at least 5 million "heretics" were burned at the stake in the Inquisition! Anything could be a reason to burn you. For instance taking a bath on Saturday, because that is when Jews bathe. If you had some real estate they wanted, you were burned and your real estate confiscated. If you were young and pretty, you were tortured just for the pleasure of watching you screaming and writhing in agony!

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Pope Francis had a big welcome of assorted opinions when he rode his Popemobile in Ireland today. There were large posters on the negative side. One said "Your Church raped and sold our children!" Another big poster almost touching the Popemobile said "Pope is head of the biggest Paedophile Ring in the history of man!" Francis either can't read English or he pretends he can't.
Ireland has made great strides towards secularism but there is still much to do. Did you know that almost all schools there are run by the Church? If you want to enroll your kid in a primary school you usually have to have him Baptised! So the Irish govt. is actually still sponsoring the Church to brainwash their children!

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"Pope Francis should resign!" That is what the former Vatican ambassador to the US, Carlo Maria Vigano said. He said "It's like this:"
"Francis knew about the sexual abuses of former DC Bishop Theodore McCarrick as early as June 23, 2013, and continued to cover him up. According to Francis' own standard of "zero tolerance" he should set a good example to Cardinals and Bishops who covered up McCarrick's abuses and resign along with all of them!"
He won't of course. How could he give up all the power and glory and wealth of a Pope? That's asking too much!

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One more pedophile medalist that should be mentioned is Father Brendon Smyth. Originally an Irish Priest in Ireland, he admitted in 1994 that he had raped hundreds of children, including girls as young as 8! The Church protected him by moving him around between parishes, diocese, and even to different countries so he could continue his hobby! Perhaps he did more good than bad, because he is one of the principle reasons The Church is on "life support" in Ireland! Those children he raped are the modern martyrs for Humanism!
Maybe you are all tired of hearing about the Catholic Mafia. I promise to give you a real joke tomorrow.

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Waiting to die.
There once was a father and son living together. One day the father cooked some delicious pastry. Then he went out, but first warned his son that he would beat him to death if he ate any of the cakes! He also warned him that the jar of honey was poison! (Just to prevent him from stealing some to eat)
When the father returned, he found his son had eaten all the cakes and honey and was lying on the bed with his eyes closed. He screamed at his son, "what are you doing?"
The son replied: "The cakes were so fragrant that I couldn't resist eating them. When I had finished them off, then I remembered that you were going to beat me to death. Since I was going to die anyway, I decided to eat the poisonous honey too. Now I am lying here waiting to die!"

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Hurray for the London blimp-parade!
Right after Trump in daipers floats over London, then the Mayor Sadiq Khan floats over London in a bikini! Don't stop there! If I were a Londoner, I would send a whole fleet of these baloons flying over London! Here is a partial list:
Angelina Merkel in a bikini, Pope Francis stark naked, Fatty Kim Jung Un in diapers, Hillory Clinton in a bikini, Mohammed in a zoot suit, etc. The total list would be at least 20 or so. What are your suggestions?

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I think I would like to emmigrate to Ireland. Ireland is like a beautiful butterfly encased in a dozen or so cocoons. every time she breaks out of a cocoon she gets more and more beautiful! The "no same-sex marriage" and "no abortion" cocoons are already discarded. The "blasphemy law" will have a referundum on Oct. 26. Actually, I wasn't aware that Ireland had a "Blasthemy law" until I saw the article in Irish Central. According to the blasphemy law, anyone who says something like "There is no God." gets a terrible punishment.For instance, if you said that a couple of Centuries ago you would be burned at the stake!! Ireland has made great progress in recent years, and today at most you would be fined $30,000!
There are still a few cocoons that have to be busted, like having the schools run by the Catholic Church. It is very important to bust this cocoon because children in their formative years are very easy to brainwash! You can bet that the Catholic Church is doing it's best to brainwash children to be their sheeple to fill their offering plates!
Religious scams are worse than ponzi scams. A ponzi scam just steals your money. Religion not only steals your money, it enslaves your soul!!

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Let's have a few real jokes for today, obviously not from a Shariah country.

1-Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, "Which book has helped you most in your life?"
The woman replied, "My husband's check book!""

2-A prospective husband in a book store asks, "Do you have a book called "Husband--the master of the house"?"
Sales girl says, "Sir, fiction and comics are on the first floor."

3-Someone asked an old man, "Even after 70 years you still call yor wife "darling, honey, luv, etc." What,s the secret?"
Old man replies, "I forgot her name and I'm afraid to ask her!"

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A few more infidel jokes:

1-A cool missive.
"Dear mother in law. Don't try to teach me how to handle children, I'm living with one of yours, and he needs a lot of improvement!"

2-Lady says to a doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep. What is the cure?"
Doctor says, "Give him an oportunity to speak when he's awake!"

Any man who is henpecked should thank God that he is not a Muslim. According to Shariah law, a Muslim can have 4 wives and several concubines! Just imagine all the hen-pecking a Muslim man must submit to!!

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Kudos, India!
I just saw on CNN that India has decriminalized gay sex. What surprised me was that criminalizing gay sex was not an Indian invention, it was one of the colonial era laws established by Britain when Britain was running the country! Britain decriminalized gay sex some time in the middle of the 20th Century. But only after they forced the the WW II hero Alan Turing to commit suicide in 1954!
Many countries still criminalize gay sex. Just last week two lesbians were publicly "caned" in Malaysia for Lesbian sex!
Muslim gays are all of the closet type because they don't dare to admit it. That's because it's a crime punishable by execution. (Infidels are thrown from the roof-tops!) Also they are excluded from Heaven. This makes them so miserable that they go crazy. Such a case is the butcher of Orlando Omar Mateen, the Muslim gay! He mowed down 50 non-muslim gays with machine gun fire at the Pulse night club while laughing hysterically in 2016! I don't hate him, I feel sorry for him! It's his religion that made him that way!

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Do you read the CNN news? Look up the Sept. 7 edition. It criticized the UK for it's stance on FGM. It said that at least 5000 girls in the UK have the FGM operation every year!
What is FGM? Female Genital Mutilation is an operation that cuts out the clitoris and all the other erogenous zones leaving only scar tissue so that a girl has no pleasure in sex! Don't equate it to circumcision which just cuts off some useless skin so that a man actually has more pleasure in sex! Only cutting off the whole penis would be equivalent to FGM! The actual purpose is to make women behave themselves sexually while the men go rampant!
World-wide at least 200 million girls have had FGM, and at least 3 million girls undergo the operation every year! Why doesn't the UK protect it's girls? We have FGM in the US too, but only on a much smaller scale!

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Remember the World Trade Center!
Today is Sept. 11, the anniversary of the evil jihadist attack that killed 3000 innocent people in New York in 2001! It is very seldom remembered today. There are also many conspiracy theories insisting that it was the CIA that did it, or the Jews did it! Why are Americans so short-minded about it? I remember the National outcry on Dec. 7 1941--"Remember Pearl Harbor!" It mobilized the whole Country to fight WW II. But only 2400 people were killed there, mostly armed forces personnel.
Several hundred were murdered by the Jihadista in Russia too not long ago!
How about you British? The Jihadists seem to be very lenient to you. At most just a few of you have been stabbed! You should thank them for their leniency!

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The Catholic Church is on it's last legs! The huge Pedophile Priest boil in Germany has just burst releasing the pus from thousands of victims of Priest rape in Germany. Tallied from all over the world, the number of children raped by the Church is in the tens of thousands! The cries for the Pope to resign are getting deafening! So now the Pope calls for a meeting in February to discuss the case. Next February!!! That's 5 monthes from now! That's like the fire dept. answering a fire alarm by saying "We'll discuss your fire next February!' This is obviously giving pedos and their cover-uppers sufficient time to destroy all the criminal evidence and white-wash the Church!
However, to be fair with the RCC, I still have to admit that they have made huge progress. Don't forget that four Centuries ago this Church burned at least 5 million people at the stake! They don't do that any more, thank God! Sorry, I should have thanked the heros of the Reformation!

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What comes after the Christian era? If you think that the downfall of the Christian Church will make me happy then you don't understand human history. At the present stage of evolution, humanity needs a religion to fill up man's spiritual vacuum. There are very few humans like us who are content with the concept of no after-life. They all yearn to go to Heaven and are afraid of going to Hell! Christianity is dying a slow death, but Islam is trying to take over the World! As things are going now, it is projected that Islam will become the predominant religion before the end of tha Century! I don't know about you, but i'd much rather see a Christian world than a Muslim world! Therefore we should keep the pressure on the Church to reform, such as Ireland is doing, but at the same time ensure that the pressure isn't so stong thay it destroys the Church! Islam needs a "Reformation" too, but I'm very pessemistic about that! The only Reformation in it's 14 Century history is that women are now allowed to drive cars in Saudi Arabia!