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Insults

General socialising and light-hearted discussions take place in here.
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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Insults

#1 Post by Dave B » May 2nd, 2015, 5:19 pm

Not normally fun but Old Bill turned them into an artform!

Kent's opinion of Oswald, in King Lear:
Kent. Fellow, I know thee.
Oswald. What dost thou know me for?
Kent. A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking whoreson, glass-gazing, & super-servicable, finical rogue; onetrunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch.
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

Fia
Posts: 5480
Joined: July 6th, 2007, 8:29 pm

Re: Insults

#2 Post by Fia » May 2nd, 2015, 5:38 pm

Behold thy mirror thou tottering idle-headed puttock.

Randomly from a fun insult generator here
Enjoy :D

Ron Webb
Posts: 289
Joined: May 9th, 2009, 11:21 pm

Re: Insults

#3 Post by Ron Webb » May 2nd, 2015, 11:46 pm

My absolutely favouritest insult of all time -- often attributed to John Wilkes, but it looks like it originated with the comedian Samuel Foote:
Sam. was invited to a convivial meeting at the house of the late Sir Francis Blake Delaval. Lord Sandwich was one of the guests upon the same occasion. When the Comedian entered, the Peer exclaimed, “what are you alive still?”
“Yes, my Lord,” replied Foote.
“Pray Sam,” retorted his Lordship, “which do you think will happen to you first, the experience of a certain disease [i.e. syphilis], or an intimate acquaintance with the gallows?”
“Why,” rejoined the Comedian, “that depends upon circumstances, and they are these, whether I prefer embracing your Lordship’s mistress, or, your principles.”

thundril
Posts: 3607
Joined: July 4th, 2008, 5:02 pm

Re: Insults

#4 Post by thundril » May 3rd, 2015, 1:40 am

To drop the tone a considerable bit: my current favourite is
"I know I should try to see things from your point of view, but I don't want to push my head that far up your arse."

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Alan H
Posts: 24062
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Insults

#5 Post by Alan H » May 3rd, 2015, 1:49 am

:pointlaugh:
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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animist
Posts: 6521
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Insults

#6 Post by animist » May 3rd, 2015, 9:13 am

two that stick in my mind from Shakespeare's "Macbeth":

"The Devil damn thee black, thou cream faced loon!"
"Ditch delivered by a drab" [prostitute]

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Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Insults

#7 Post by Tetenterre » May 3rd, 2015, 11:41 am

Hitch on Jerry Falwell: "If you gave Falwell an enema, you could bury him in a matchbox."
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

lewist
Posts: 4402
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 8:53 pm

Re: Insults

#8 Post by lewist » May 3rd, 2015, 9:18 pm

I don't want to spoil the party but we've been here before. It was fun. Keep going, people! :laughter:
Carpe diem. Savour every moment.

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Alan H
Posts: 24062
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Insults

#9 Post by Alan H » May 3rd, 2015, 10:18 pm

I was once picked out by a comedian at uni (I wasn't heckling!). He asked me if that was my own brain or was I just breaking it in for an ejit. I was too slow, of course (which was why he was the one on stage), to ask him if he wanted it back...
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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Alan H
Posts: 24062
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Insults

#10 Post by Alan H » May 6th, 2015, 11:01 am

I was reminded of this by Tom Dalyell MP in the House of Commons:
TD: half the opposition are crooks!
Mr Speaker: Withdraw that remark.
TD: I withdraw it. Half the opposition are not crooks!
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Insults

#11 Post by Dave B » May 6th, 2015, 4:05 pm

:laughter:
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

Lord Muck oGentry
Posts: 633
Joined: September 1st, 2007, 3:48 pm

Re: Insults

#12 Post by Lord Muck oGentry » May 7th, 2015, 6:18 pm

From the Broth of a Boy himself:
"I'll do you, you bastard, at exercise, see if I don't, you shit'ouse."

"Get stuffed you bloody puff"

Compliments pass when the quality meet
What we can't say, we can't say and we can't whistle it either. — Frank Ramsey

stevenw888
Posts: 694
Joined: July 16th, 2010, 12:48 pm

Re: Insults

#13 Post by stevenw888 » May 11th, 2015, 3:19 pm

One of the best ones I heard was from Daniel Finkelstein, originally a member of the SDP/Liberal Alliance. Invited to Norwich to give a political speech, he arrived after a long train journey, only to find that the audience consisted of the inviter, and one other, a young man. Finkelstein, true to his word gave his speech, and afterwards quizzed the man as to whether he'd like to join the Social Democratic Party.
"I'd sure like to" the young man replied, "But I think it would probably be in violition of my parole conditions."
"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots." - From the film "Top Gun"

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