Our very own countdown thread!

[Ninny]

Latest post of the previous page:

998,124 Of course they don't bite you, Jaywhat - they are too busy gnawing at your wife!

[Alan C.]

998,123
Only the females bite

[Beki]

998,122

Is that true Alan? What do the male midges eat then?

[Alan C.]

998,121

The females must feed on blood to ensure that the eggs they lay will survive. In doing so they inject some saliva and this causes an allergic reaction which can vary in intensity for different individuals. They also release a pheremone to inform others that a blood source is present.

I think the males live off dead plant life.

[lewist]

998,120
All this talk of midges is making me itch. Where I am it's the birch flies you have to look out for. They bite the neck around the hairline and as they do they secrete an anticoagulant so they get a better feast. Then they fly away leaving you bleeding. I believe they prefer the blood of boys aged around nine or ten. I can remember being on holiday in this part of the world one summer and my older son (who was nine at the time) and his friend (same age) were quite badly afflicted.

[kbell]

998,119

I was itching before I came to this thread. I seem to have a cluster of flea bites and they are keeping me awake. Damn neighbour's cat.

[Ninny]

998,118 Mistake to share your bed with the neighbour's cat, then!

[Beki]

998,117

Aha - new experience for me last night. I went to the BINGO (the proper Gala one) last night (because the cinema was completely full and the Bingo hall was next door). Talk about terrifying! Tables as far as the eye could see with the scariest looking pensioners ever. I couldn't keep up and was heaving a sigh of relief every time someone called 'house' so that I could stop and catch a breath! Very strange......

[Ninny]

998,116 Pensioners scary? Not all of us. You will be old yourself, one day (not that "pensioner" and "old" are synonymous, now that 60 is the new forty...)

[Nick]

I've just discovered a new word. What do you call someone who is unsure whether there is or is not a Flying Spaghetti Monster?

Answer:

Spoiler:

A Spaghnostic

998,115

[Alan C.]

998,114
I'm pretty certain there is no Flying Spaghetti Monster, so I suppose that makes me an Apastaist

[lewist]

998,114
I'm pretty certain there is no Flying Spaghetti Monster, so I suppose that makes me an Apastaist

998113
This makes me think of pirates. I have just been sailing in Blackbeard's waters off the North Carolina Coast, where the wreck of his flagship, the Queen Anne's Revenge was found recently. My brother's sailing club is called Blackbeard in commemoration of the blackest pirate what sailed the seas.

[Nick]

Pirates!!

*pausing only to complete the countdown number......

998,112

....rushes back to The Black Pig to repel boarders*

[lewist]

998,111
I certain situations I try to emulate Tom the Cabin Boy, who would just smile and say nothing.

[Alan C.]

998,110
What a shame we couldn't have the meet up on September 19th, it be talk like a pirate day, aargh.

[Nick]

998,109

And you think I'd be able to find the time to meet you guys on my busiest day of the year?

[Diane]

998,108


Why isn't there an annual talk like a caveman day?

[Alan C.]

998,107
You could start one, are you fluent in caveman?

[Maria Mac]

998,106

Uggah, uggah.

[Moonbeam]

998,105

What no posts for Sunday? Here's one for Monday.

[Nick]

998,104

Sorry, Moonbeam. I was away, looking for my English/Caveman dictionary. Having found it, I'm quite tempted to take Maria up on her proposition.