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Middle aged misery

...on serious topics that don't fit anywhere else at present.
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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Middle aged misery

#1 Post by Dave B » February 9th, 2016, 3:15 pm

Well, the full title of the Ÿou and Yours" prog today was, "How to tackle middle aged misery." Miserable, assumptive, title anyway I thought.

Not being one of the Twitteratti I could not join in the discussion online, so decided to send them and email, Got in a plug for TH!
I am 71, was an abused and bullied child, not had a good life experience in most terms, suffered anxiety and depression for many decades, suffered a very near fatal heart attack at age 54, made redundant at 59, increasing cardiac problems since, now fitted with a pace maker defibrillator (which has shocked my heart 7 times so far, with my being near death on two of those occassions).

I have every right to be miserable!

But I am not!

What is my secret? Dunno, just being me I suppose, the ever inquisitive kid who never really grew up in some ways. Since leaving work I have done quite a lot of voluntary archaeological digging, archival research and volunteering, comuter tutoring for local U3A and other oldies, kept up my, sort of imterst in art, technology and science...

There are some pieces of advice I would give:

A) Don't think of yourself as old, I have a T shirt with, "Don't think of me as old, just older. Wiser? No, just older." Had it printed when I joined a college course in 2004.

B) If infirmity stops you doing one thing have a go at another, don't be too proud to do something you might think as a bit childish, just achieving small things helps build larger ones.

C) Realise that others are as needy as yourself, do something for them they cannot do and you may find they can return the favour, organisations like Fair Shares help, your knitting things to raise funds might earn you getting the tap washers changed for free!

D) Join the U3A, don't be put off by the "university" bit, they do things like Belly Dancing, Play Reading, Samba Band as well as the slightly academic stuff. 

E) Don't strive for happiness, Rudyard Kipling's "if" poem could be reworded for us oldies, with "happiness" added to the "Triumph and Disaster" line. Seek contentment, it is far calmer, more natural, longer living and easier to achieve for most. Also seek "Good", a good friend, a good wine, a good book, a good joke ... And, try do do a little of that every day, smile at others, they start smiling back.

I am a Humanist so have no religious angle here, my signature on the Think Humanism forum is: "Look forward, yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it." I should have added, "But be gentle with yourself."

Regards
Dave
Anything I left out - or got wrong? I know that some suffer from clinical depression and therefore find motivation hard, there is not a lot one can do for that I am afraid.

My friend Jane was devoted to her husband, Mike, they had been childhood friends and maintained a true friendship all of their lives - Mike died four years ago. I was quite afraid that Jane would collapse in on herself but, being a practical and inquisitive person (and with a little support from her friends) she has done very well.

Lewis will also know the value of looking outwards and getting involved with the rest of the world. Jaywhat Will know what things like writing etc can do. TT knows the value of immersing oneself in an avocation. Etcetera.

We could write a book folks!
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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John G
Posts: 74
Joined: February 3rd, 2016, 2:44 am

Re: Middle aged misery

#2 Post by John G » February 12th, 2016, 7:37 am

What age is middle age? Dave is a fine old soul. :)
A good learner is forever walking the narrow path between blindness and hallucination. ― Pedro Domingos, The Master Algorithm

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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Middle aged misery

#3 Post by Dave B » February 12th, 2016, 8:08 am

John G wrote:What age is middle age? :)
Yeah, the prog was badly named. Much of the content applied to and feedback involved those in their 7th or 8th decade.

Aging is a physical process, maturing (or not) a psychological one. Maturing does not mean loosing a sense of fun, loss of creativity, loss of curiosity - there are no age limits for those. Hopefully maturity does bring moderation though!
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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