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Favourite humorous websites

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
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Alan H
Posts: 24011
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#241 Postby Alan H » December 29th, 2014, 2:23 pm

Latest post of the previous page:

David Cameron Lifesize Cardboard Cutout Standee

Read the customer reviews...
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#242 Postby Dave B » December 29th, 2014, 3:37 pm

Brilliant, just the thing for target practice!

Cover it in cling film then use a paintball gun.
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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Alan H
Posts: 24011
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#243 Postby Alan H » January 25th, 2015, 2:58 pm

Nation’s Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate
“It’s shocking to contemplate, but in the relatively short stretch since 1984, when I first began tracking its growth, the past has expanded by more than 30 years,” he added.
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#244 Postby Dave B » January 25th, 2015, 4:27 pm

I like it!

Problem is our personal futures diminish at the same rate - oh, gloom! :sad2:
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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Alan H
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Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#245 Postby Alan H » January 25th, 2015, 5:54 pm

Dave B wrote:I like it!

Problem is our personal futures diminish at the same rate - oh, gloom! :sad2:
OMG! I never thought of that!
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

thundril
Posts: 3607
Joined: July 4th, 2008, 5:02 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#246 Postby thundril » January 26th, 2015, 11:24 pm

No they don't! The past, being global, expands at an exponential rate; but your future, being personal, contracts at a linear rate.
Fear not. It's all manageable!

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Dave B
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Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#247 Postby Dave B » January 27th, 2015, 10:39 am

thundril wrote:No they don't! The past, being global, expands at an exponential rate; but your future, being personal, contracts at a linear rate.
Fear not. It's all manageable!
Good thinking, thunders!
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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stevenw888
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Joined: July 16th, 2010, 12:48 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#248 Postby stevenw888 » February 11th, 2015, 2:32 pm

I'm not normally a big reader of the mumsnet website but this particular posting proved an exception.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_cla ... r-children
"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots." - From the film "Top Gun"

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Alan H
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Re: Favourite humorous websites

#249 Postby Alan H » March 26th, 2016, 12:41 pm

Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#250 Postby Dave B » March 26th, 2016, 1:08 pm

They have just come to the conclusion that there are total idiots on social media (well, everywhere on tge web I suppose)!?

Thought that was obvious from any casual cruise through these "services". Pity though, they still have the potential to be useful. I got fed up with the constant false invites to be a friend and otger spam promotions etc.
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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Alan H
Posts: 24011
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#251 Postby Alan H » March 26th, 2016, 8:02 pm

Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#252 Postby Dave B » March 26th, 2016, 8:29 pm

:hilarity:
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

Maria Mac
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Re: Favourite humorous websites

#253 Postby Maria Mac » November 30th, 2016, 12:23 pm


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Alan H
Posts: 24011
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#254 Postby Alan H » November 30th, 2016, 1:29 pm

:pointlaugh:
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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Tetenterre
Posts: 3243
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#255 Postby Tetenterre » November 30th, 2016, 3:49 pm

^
^
:pointlaugh: :hilarity:
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

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Alan H
Posts: 24011
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#256 Postby Alan H » December 16th, 2016, 1:46 pm

Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

User avatar
Alan H
Posts: 24011
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#257 Postby Alan H » December 19th, 2016, 12:00 am

Don't know where this fits, but it's a story told by David Niven about Douglas Bader, the WWII fighter pilot:

2016-12-18_23h53_30.png
2016-12-18_23h53_30.png (279.2 KiB) Viewed 5370 times
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3243
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#258 Postby Tetenterre » December 19th, 2016, 12:49 pm

Given Bader's notoriously strong "Victorian values" stance, I suspect that may be apocryphal; it's a joke I first heard at least 50 years ago, with the pilot being one of the RAF Polish squadron. See, for example, http://www.circlecity.co.uk/text_jokes/ ... -pilot.php
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

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Alan H
Posts: 24011
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Favourite humorous websites

#259 Postby Alan H » January 5th, 2017, 11:58 pm

It'd be a joke if it wasn't so serious: ISIS pledge to kill thousands of Americans by opening gun stores across the Midwest
Notorious Islamic terror group ISIS have announced a plan to kill thousands of Americans by opening gun stores across the midwest and selling firearms at discount prices.

With an evil cackle, Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi told jubilant supporters this plan would result in the deaths of untold thousands of Americans every year.

The stores will offer discounts of up to 10%, with a guarantee to beat the price of any gun sold at competing vendors and loyalty cards offered to anyone buying more than two firearms a year.

Free bullets will be included in the cost of any sale of $200 or more.

The stores will also offer expert tuition in shooting in on-site firing ranges to help ensure their customers never miss.

It is intended the new retail chain will be called ‘All-American Patriot’, and will have an extensive section devoted to easily concealed high calibre weapons with extended magazines.

“In the name of Allah, the great, the merciful, we will sell Americans high-quality guns at low, low prices”, Al-Baghdadi promised the cheering crowd.

“Our prices will be so low you’ll think we’re craaaaaazy!”

“With a 5-year warranty and money-back guarantee if anyone shot by one of our guns survives, our rifles, shotguns and pistols will be ideal for firing at other Americans which will save us the trouble.”

“They will fall upon each other like the whirlwind, like dogs, smiting each other down, praise be to God.”

“More than they are already are, that is,” he added.

The National Rifle Association both welcomed and condemned the plans, saying that it was a God-given right to sell guns to Americans but they’d rather people weren’t so blatant about the consequences, thanks very much.

If the plan is successful, ISIS plan to extend their reign of terror and death by opening MacDonald’s franchises and cutting the price of supersized meals.
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?


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