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Fundies say the darndest things

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
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Maria Mac
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#21 Post by Maria Mac » November 21st, 2007, 12:58 am

Latest post of the previous page:

Seen on Yahoo answers.
My son tells us he is into Judo. He was raised in a Christian home.?
Why would he forsake his parents and his Christian upbringing for some Asian cult?
I don't know whether this is a wind up or not. I've answered that 'I love satire and you do it so well,' but everyone else seems to take the question seriously (most reassuring that judo is OK and a few telling the questioner to get a life).

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Heurismus
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Joined: November 10th, 2007, 8:04 pm

Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#22 Post by Heurismus » December 18th, 2007, 2:01 am

Seriously sad about Allan. :sad: I thought his demise may have been the case but now I've finally come out of the depression months and found this out, I feel at a loss and a little bit like an arsehole for not finding out sooner. Thanks Maria and here's to Allan's Fundies Say the Darndest Things.
Last edited by Maria Mac on December 18th, 2007, 2:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: To correct spelling of Allan's name.
The most cogent reason for restricting the interference of government is the great evil of adding unnecessarily to its power. - J.S. Mill

Maria Mac
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#23 Post by Maria Mac » December 18th, 2007, 7:24 pm

I asked the following question on Yahoo answers:

Does anyone really believe the creation account(s) in Genesis?

Are there really people who believe that a woman was made out of a man's rib? Compare and contrast these two pics - which one more closely resembles a woman?

Pic 1

Pic 2

Here are the best answers so far:
You forget again -
There is DNA in the human's rib that you can make a woman out of. You are looking at it superficially.
I'm so sorry that you feel that you are related to a monkey. But why would you give God such short arms. God bless you Scientist can create clones with dna but God can't?
OK here is my opinion on the whole rib/creation theory...
(take into account that man edited the Bible)

woman was created first...and God looked upon his creation and was pleased...
Woman became lonesome, and God put her into a deep sleep, and from UNDER her rib, (babies are carried UNDER the ribs, in the abdomen of the female) God created man...and God looked upon his creation and was pleased

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Alan C.
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#24 Post by Alan C. » December 18th, 2007, 8:28 pm

Scientist can create clones with dna but God can't? :hilarity:
If he could create Adam, presumably with nobody else's DNA already to hand, then why not just magic Eve up the same way?
woman was created first...and God looked upon his creation and was pleased...
Woman became lonesome, and God put her into a deep sleep, and from UNDER her rib, (babies are carried UNDER the ribs, in the abdomen of the female) God created man...and God looked upon his creation and was pleased
That one's a belter. :pointlaugh:
Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers.

Lucretius
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#25 Post by Lucretius » December 20th, 2007, 10:04 pm

Over a year a go a created a blog for myself and haven't really been posting much on it. I put stuff on it every now and then but every time I post something with creationist or Christian in the title it gets the crazies. Check the comments in these couple of posts below. You will get a good laugh.

http://cantmakeadifference.blogspot.com ... id-or.html

http://cantmakeadifference.blogspot.com ... nists.html

http://cantmakeadifference.blogspot.com ... tians.html

Enjoy.
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." - H.L. Mencken

Maria Mac
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#26 Post by Maria Mac » January 3rd, 2008, 12:25 pm

I find those fundy comments utterly depressing, Luc.

I've been on Yahoo answers again. I know this isn't funny but I'm parking it here as a reminder of what we're up against:

Source.
TIME was created by man to measure the passage of events.

If God is infinitely powerful, why is it that hard to believe that he created a infinite universe? Just because YOU can not mentally grasp such power, doesn't mean it's illogical.

It is illogical to believe there is no god. Logic 101 dictates you can not prove a negative. Therefore the disbelief in something is illogical since it can never be proven true. Belief in something follows logic....however the rationale for that belief my be illogical. Regardless, the absolute belief in no god is 100% illogical.
:puzzled:

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Curtains
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#27 Post by Curtains » January 8th, 2008, 5:05 pm

Thank you for telling us about Yahoo answers. What a place!

From here.

Q: Do you believe in God?

A: Of course! Our sun and moon are not practically the same size in our sky by coincidence, like the non believer would have you believe.

:puzzled:

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Alan H
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#28 Post by Alan H » January 8th, 2008, 6:23 pm

But...but...but...they are the same size, aren't they? :puzzled:
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

Lucretius
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#29 Post by Lucretius » January 9th, 2008, 12:47 am

What is the thought process behind something like that?

God prefers stuff to be the same size? Why?

I could easily say Venus looks smaller than the moon from the our position. This is proof of god under the same nonsensical thought process.
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." - H.L. Mencken

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Alan H
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#30 Post by Alan H » January 10th, 2008, 12:10 pm

All the stars in the sky are the same size (well, they look that way to me), therefore god exists! Sounds logical to me!

Has anyone noticed that all grains of sand are the same size as well? :laughter:
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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Alan C.
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#31 Post by Alan C. » January 10th, 2008, 5:04 pm

I happen to believe - I don't know if I could prove this - I happen to believe that during the original creation with the canopy of water overhead, increased air pressure and filtered sunlight, fermentation was not possible. I don't think Noah knew what he was doing when he got drunk. It was an accident. He was used to making the grape juice [...] so I'm going to give Noah the benefit of the doubt and assume his getting drunk was purely accidental ignorance.

Kent Hovind,
Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers.

Lucretius
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#32 Post by Lucretius » January 10th, 2008, 5:29 pm

Yes Hovind jump through hoops to keep that cognitive dissonance at bay.
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." - H.L. Mencken

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Alan C.
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#33 Post by Alan C. » January 16th, 2008, 9:27 pm

[Carl Sagan died after three bone marrow transplants failed to restore his body’s ability to make blood sufficient to sustain life on earth].

Campus Preacher noted: God even had mercy on poor old Carl Pagan. He gave him bone cancer and time to think about it. It obviously didn’t work. Therefore we must conclude, that geniuses like Carl Pagan and others can (Richard Dawkins probably will) and do and did go to Hell.

Is Evolution v. Creation an issue in Hell?

On that subject. It looks like to me God also had mercy on Steven Hawking. God allowed/gave him ALS when he was 21 to get his attention. It didn’t work. Looks like Hawking will go to to Hell too.
My bold :hilarity:
Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers.

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Alan C.
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#34 Post by Alan C. » January 22nd, 2008, 11:04 pm

This is not in the least funny, but read the story and then see what Sylvander has to say, I posted a couple of insults towards him/her, but they were moderated (asshole and prick) I feel guilty now that I had to use "retard" but I had to get something past the automated "bad word" censor, sorry.
It really narked me to read a story with such a good outcome, only to see a prick like this putting a damper on it. :twisted:
Six weeks ago she made history … now Abigail is ready to play.
I think it fits (very loosely into fundies say the darnedest things)
Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers.

Maria Mac
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#35 Post by Maria Mac » January 24th, 2008, 5:54 pm

Alan C. wrote:I posted a couple of insults towards him/her, but they were moderated (asshole and prick) I feel guilty now that I had to use "retard" but I had to get something past the automated "bad word" censor, sorry.
Tip from a veteran: stick in a space or two in e.g. pr ick and your insults should get through.

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Alan C.
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#36 Post by Alan C. » February 9th, 2008, 6:07 pm

EVOLUTION GOES TO CHURCH. This is by no means the wackiest comment, if you've got ten minutes to spare go and have a look. (Oh and spot the obligatory spelling mistakes) Not just in the sample below, but in most of the faith-head posts.
I've studied the debate since 1992. Frankly, I believe there is a huge amount of evidence that suggests the universe is young, say 10,000 years or less, which leaves zero room for the theory of evolution. At the same time, depending on whereone was located in the universe, the creation of the universe could literally been 6 days. We know very little. Science continually learns, and usually finds the discoveries of the previous generation were false. The Bible, on the other hand, I've found to be the complete, perfect Word of God, and was meant to be taken literally without fear. Science will eventually figure out how God made the universe if mankind exists long enough. Another argument against evoulution is lack of a fossil record. For example, the theory suggests millions of evelotutionary changes took place over millions of years. Between just about every known genus today, there would have been hundreds of thousands of changes, and therefore lifeforms. But, there is virtually zero evidence that any transitionary life forms ever existed. For evolution to be true, millions, perhaps trillions of life forms would have to have existed, and yet vanished without a trace. I find that quite ludicrous. I believe the fossil record speaks for itself.
Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers.

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Alan H
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#37 Post by Alan H » July 31st, 2009, 7:11 pm

Resurrected from the depths of last year...just so I could impart to you the essential knowledge that mermaids are halal...

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009 ... _fatwa.php
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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Lorikeet
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#38 Post by Lorikeet » August 30th, 2009, 11:50 pm

A family friend told me this one over 10 years ago before I had a clue what to do with the Internet, so I don't know what website it's from - but I've never forgotten it:

"Is it OK to fart in bed?"

"It is OK to fart in bed as long as you do so in the light of the Lord."

:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:
All humans are brothers. We came from the same supernova.

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Alan H
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#39 Post by Alan H » August 31st, 2009, 12:26 am

Lorikeet wrote: :hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:
To be honest, Lorikeet, it wasn't that funny! :D
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

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Lorikeet
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#40 Post by Lorikeet » August 31st, 2009, 1:19 am

Maria wrote:I've been coming across rather a lot of these lately (since joining http://answers.yahoo.com) and I have been feeling nostalgic for the late, great Allan Glen who died at the tragically young age of 20 from cystic fibrosis. Allan made a website FSTDT, which is still going strong, dedicated to the daft things that fundies say.

Just wanted to share this one I came across today with you:

From here:
...humanism is a mistake and nonsense. For example, a few hundred thousands years ago, there were diesel engines. Humanists may think that it was invented by a man named Diesel. No matter who Diesel was, humanist or not, the author of that engine is God. All of you eat food, many of you may be humanists, no matter, but all you eat is God's. I mean, that humanists are people who live in error and do things not in God's name. It is evil. A few hundred years ago, there was electricity and airplanes. People do things, but now people do things in their own name. But all author right are reserved by God.


:supershock:
So sorry to hear about Allan's far too young death! :(

I've spent ages reading that site and I just don't know whether to laugh or cry. How can people be so full of hate and violence, in this day and age, mostly in (I get the impression) that country of plenty? I just don't get it.

Alan H wrote:To be honest, Lorikeet, it wasn't that funny! :D
Your taste! :)
All humans are brothers. We came from the same supernova.

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Lorikeet
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Re: Fundies say the darndest things

#41 Post by Lorikeet » September 6th, 2009, 1:56 am

Must say, I reckon I just had too much of a good thing by reading all 8 pages - taken in smaller quantities this is just hilarious :laughter:
All humans are brothers. We came from the same supernova.

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