Fundies say the darndest things

[Maria Mac]

I've been coming across rather a lot of these lately (since joining http://answers.yahoo.com) and I have been feeling nostalgic for the late, great Allan Glen who died at the tragically young age of 20 from cystic fibrosis. Allan made a website FSTDT, which is still going strong, dedicated to the daft things that fundies say.

Just wanted to share this one I came across today with you:

From here:

...humanism is a mistake and nonsense. For example, a few hundred thousands years ago, there were diesel engines. Humanists may think that it was invented by a man named Diesel. No matter who Diesel was, humanist or not, the author of that engine is God. All of you eat food, many of you may be humanists, no matter, but all you eat is God's. I mean, that humanists are people who live in error and do things not in God's name. It is evil. A few hundred years ago, there was electricity and airplanes. People do things, but now people do things in their own name. But all author right are reserved by God.

[Oxfordrocks]

http://fundiewatch.blogspot.com/

[Deacon Doubtmonger]

Here's my long-time favorite:

"It is interesting that those who question the Church's presence in their marital bedroom think nothing of inviting a condom manufacturer or contraceptive pharmaceutical company to be a part of their most intimate moments."

-- from "A Way to Understand Why Contraception is Wrong" by Rev. Eric James Albertson (full text here)

[Thomas]

Oh dear me, these are staggering!

I followed Maria's link and had a look at some others. This one makes me despair:

i dont believe in Darwins big bang theory at all

[Alan C.]

I've been visiting that site (fstdt) for a long time, the thing that amazes me, is the atrocious spelling and grammar the fundies use.

[Alan H]

Also from Yahoo answers:

Is it a sin to lick a holy wall , only serious answers please..I'm very religious.?

[Maria Mac]

From here on saying Grace before a meal:

I think it is one of the ways to ward off food-borne illness. How can we ask the Father for a Blessing on our food and receive a nasty illness from it? We can't---that is the answer.

Worth a try?

[wizzy]

The occult images found in the Care Bear series are extremely subtle. On the surface, the Care Bears teach the children to express their feelings, especially those of love, to others. At first, these sound like very good ideas, but, they are Humanistic principles, which are in contradiction to God's teachings. Magic and Eastern religious ideals also are prevalent in this series."

I like this one.

[Lifelinking]

with Halloween coming up soon, you can find some sound Christian advice here

The home page is actually much, much scarier (and funnier) than what you can expect when the guisers are oot!


This wee example is their take on evolution:

Was your distant grand-daddy a gorilla? Sadly, some people would like for you to be believe so. There is not one shred of proof of evolution, only unproven theories and speculation

Marvellous,


L

[Alan C.]

with Halloween coming up soon, you can find some sound Christian advice here

EVANGELIZE YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD

Dear CHRISTIAN Friends:

This is my yearly reminder to order your tracts for the upcoming Satanic
holiday called Halloween.

WTF!

[Lifelinking]

Good ain't it?

[Don Alhambra]

I like FSTDT, but stopped reading it because Yahweh (the admin) links to PETA on every page. Those people irritate me.

[wizzy]

I like this:

"There are many reasons why a woman president would ruin America:

REASON #1

God has commanded that women shall NOT lead nations. This commandment of God is found in the Holy Scriptures, the Bible, the Word of God.

REASON #2

God has commanded that women shall NOT lead men. In leading nations, women would be leading men. Therefore, women cannot lead nations. The commandment of God that women shall NOT lead men is found in the Holy Scriptures, the Bible, the Word of God.

REASON #3

History teaches us that EVERY great nation experienced a decline in power and reputation once a woman was given the leadership of each of these nations.

REASON #4

Women are more likely to make wrong decisions than men. This truth is stated in the Bible and proven by history.

REASON #5

Women generally do NOT have the mental and physical stamina required by the position of the President of the United States of America.

REASON #6

Currently, all those women interested in becoming president are women of only average character and intelligence.

unlike Bush?

REASON #7

Women do not have the political pull of men, which is required to be effective in the position of the President of the United States.

REASON #8

Women do not have the political will of men. They are more likely to waver in their views and decisions than men.

REASON #9

A woman would not have the support of the American people. The latest poll reveals that 90% of men and 95% OF WOMEN are against having a woman as president.

REASON #10

A woman would be incapacitated more than 3% of the time because of natural, physiological events. What if this happened during a time of national crisis such as the “9/11 Attack”?

!!!

REASON #11

Women generally score a minimum of 20 points lower on IQ tests than men. We need the smartest person in the presidency."

like you have now?

[Maria Mac]

What I love most about Yahoo answers is when people pose absurdly irreverent questions like:

Why did God make poo smell so bad, was it so the stupid humans don't eat it or was it Satan's work?

And the fundies answer in all serious with things like:

When God originally created the earth, it was perfect. After the fall of man, sin, death, corruption, and decay entered the world. Satan has corrupted all that was initially intended to be good and wholesome.

Somebody also asked 'What do farts smell like in Heaven?' but someone reported it as a violation so it got deleted. Shame. I thought a very valuable discussion could have ensued.

[Maria Mac]

Best answer to the above question:

It was Man's fault. Well, technically Eve's...which is also technically Satan's fault because of the whole serpent thing...but we'll blame Man just because it's fun to blame men for things.

She ate the Forbidden Fruit which, contrary to popular belief, was a fig...not an apple. No doubt, it tasted so good, she and Adam ate several. And, as anyone can attest who has ever eaten figs, particular in any substantial quantity, this can wreak havoc on the digestive tract.

And so the Lord spake, and said unto them "Let there be diarrhea," and there was, and it was ghastly, stinky diarrhea...and Adam and Eve did think they had taken seats in the Lake of Fire, so horribly did their bottoms hurt. And from that day forth, we were booted out of the Garden of Eden to live as mortals...and when we shat, it stank. Amen.

[para handy]

I'll never think of fundies in quite the same way after seeing this.

[Nick]

Now come on para handy! Just what were you searching for?

[Maria Mac]

This was on yahoo answers by someone taking the piss, obviously:

Am i in trouble? i'm dyslexic, and i just found out that i sold my soul to Santa?

[Maria Mac]

I've just been reminded that today is the second anniversary of Allan's death. Will be sure to toast his memory. He lives on in many hearts around the world.

[Maria Mac]

Seen on Yahoo answers.

My son tells us he is into Judo. He was raised in a Christian home.?
Why would he forsake his parents and his Christian upbringing for some Asian cult?

I don't know whether this is a wind up or not. I've answered that 'I love satire and you do it so well,' but everyone else seems to take the question seriously (most reassuring that judo is OK and a few telling the questioner to get a life).