INFORMATION

This website uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some of these cookies are essential to make our site work and others help us to improve by giving us some insight into how the site is being used. For further information, see our Privacy Policy. Continuing to use this website is acceptance of these cookies.

Fundies say the darndest things

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
Message
Author
Maria Mac
Site Admin
Posts: 9265
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:34 pm

Fundies say the darndest things

#1 Post by Maria Mac » October 4th, 2007, 3:18 pm

I've been coming across rather a lot of these lately (since joining http://answers.yahoo.com) and I have been feeling nostalgic for the late, great Allan Glen who died at the tragically young age of 20 from cystic fibrosis. Allan made a website FSTDT, which is still going strong, dedicated to the daft things that fundies say.

Just wanted to share this one I came across today with you:

From here:

...humanism is a mistake and nonsense. For example, a few hundred thousands years ago, there were diesel engines. Humanists may think that it was invented by a man named Diesel. No matter who Diesel was, humanist or not, the author of that engine is God. All of you eat food, many of you may be humanists, no matter, but all you eat is God's. I mean, that humanists are people who live in error and do things not in God's name. It is evil. A few hundred years ago, there was electricity and airplanes. People do things, but now people do things in their own name. But all author right are reserved by God.




:supershock:

User avatar
Oxfordrocks
Posts: 673
Joined: September 10th, 2007, 9:45 am

#2 Post by Oxfordrocks » October 4th, 2007, 4:22 pm

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating staying in EU.

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of staying in the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens will be caused by leaving EU?
3. Should the supreme court ruling on British subjects be based in UK?

User avatar
Deacon Doubtmonger
Posts: 84
Joined: July 29th, 2007, 6:09 am

#3 Post by Deacon Doubtmonger » October 5th, 2007, 4:56 am

Here's my long-time favorite:

"It is interesting that those who question the Church's presence in their marital bedroom think nothing of inviting a condom manufacturer or contraceptive pharmaceutical company to be a part of their most intimate moments."

-- from "A Way to Understand Why Contraception is Wrong" by Rev. Eric James Albertson (full text here)

Thomas
Posts: 459
Joined: July 21st, 2007, 3:54 pm

#4 Post by Thomas » October 5th, 2007, 5:20 pm

Oh dear me, these are staggering!

I followed Maria's link and had a look at some others. This one makes me despair:
i dont believe in Darwins big bang theory at all



:sad:

User avatar
Alan C.
Posts: 10356
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 3:35 pm

#5 Post by Alan C. » October 5th, 2007, 5:56 pm

I've been visiting that site (fstdt) for a long time, the thing that amazes me, is the atrocious spelling and grammar the fundies use.
Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers.

User avatar
Alan H
Posts: 24046
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

#6 Post by Alan H » October 6th, 2007, 7:31 pm

Also from Yahoo answers:

Is it a sin to lick a holy wall , only serious answers please..I'm very religious.?

Maria Mac
Site Admin
Posts: 9265
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:34 pm

#7 Post by Maria Mac » October 7th, 2007, 12:30 am

From here on saying Grace before a meal:

I think it is one of the ways to ward off food-borne illness. How can we ask the Father for a Blessing on our food and receive a nasty illness from it? We can't---that is the answer.


Worth a try?

User avatar
wizzy
Posts: 149
Joined: September 10th, 2007, 7:54 pm

#8 Post by wizzy » October 9th, 2007, 7:22 pm

The occult images found in the Care Bear series are extremely subtle. On the surface, the Care Bears teach the children to express their feelings, especially those of love, to others. At first, these sound like very good ideas, but, they are Humanistic principles, which are in contradiction to God's teachings. Magic and Eastern religious ideals also are prevalent in this series."


I like this one.

User avatar
Lifelinking
Posts: 3248
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 11:56 am

#9 Post by Lifelinking » October 9th, 2007, 7:28 pm

with Halloween coming up soon, you can find some sound Christian advice here

The home page is actually much, much scarier (and funnier) than what you can expect when the guisers are oot!


This wee example is their take on evolution:

Was your distant grand-daddy a gorilla? Sadly, some people would like for you to be believe so. There is not one shred of proof of evolution, only unproven theories and speculation



:hilarity:


Marvellous,


L
"Who thinks the law has anything to do with justice? It's what we have because we can't have justice."
William McIlvanney

User avatar
Alan C.
Posts: 10356
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 3:35 pm

#10 Post by Alan C. » October 9th, 2007, 7:34 pm

Lifelinking wrote:with Halloween coming up soon, you can find some sound Christian advice here



:twisted:
EVANGELIZE YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD

Dear CHRISTIAN Friends:

This is my yearly reminder to order your tracts for the upcoming Satanic
holiday called Halloween.
WTF! :hilarity:
Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers.

User avatar
Lifelinking
Posts: 3248
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 11:56 am

#11 Post by Lifelinking » October 9th, 2007, 7:35 pm

Good ain't it?


:halo:
"Who thinks the law has anything to do with justice? It's what we have because we can't have justice."
William McIlvanney

Don Alhambra
Posts: 30
Joined: September 2nd, 2007, 10:17 pm

#12 Post by Don Alhambra » October 11th, 2007, 11:22 am

I like FSTDT, but stopped reading it because Yahweh (the admin) links to PETA on every page. Those people irritate me.

User avatar
wizzy
Posts: 149
Joined: September 10th, 2007, 7:54 pm

#13 Post by wizzy » October 20th, 2007, 9:23 pm

I like this:

"There are many reasons why a woman president would ruin America:

REASON #1

God has commanded that women shall NOT lead nations. This commandment of God is found in the Holy Scriptures, the Bible, the Word of God.

REASON #2

God has commanded that women shall NOT lead men. In leading nations, women would be leading men. Therefore, women cannot lead nations. The commandment of God that women shall NOT lead men is found in the Holy Scriptures, the Bible, the Word of God.

REASON #3

History teaches us that EVERY great nation experienced a decline in power and reputation once a woman was given the leadership of each of these nations.

REASON #4

Women are more likely to make wrong decisions than men. This truth is stated in the Bible and proven by history.

REASON #5

Women generally do NOT have the mental and physical stamina required by the position of the President of the United States of America.

REASON #6

Currently, all those women interested in becoming president are women of only average character and intelligence.


unlike Bush?

REASON #7

Women do not have the political pull of men, which is required to be effective in the position of the President of the United States.

REASON #8

Women do not have the political will of men. They are more likely to waver in their views and decisions than men.

REASON #9

A woman would not have the support of the American people. The latest poll reveals that 90% of men and 95% OF WOMEN are against having a woman as president.

REASON #10

A woman would be incapacitated more than 3% of the time because of natural, physiological events. What if this happened during a time of national crisis such as the “9/11 Attack”?


!!!

REASON #11

Women generally score a minimum of 20 points lower on IQ tests than men. We need the smartest person in the presidency."


like you have now?

Maria Mac
Site Admin
Posts: 9265
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:34 pm

#14 Post by Maria Mac » October 22nd, 2007, 10:45 pm

What I love most about Yahoo answers is when people pose absurdly irreverent questions like:

Why did God make poo smell so bad, was it so the stupid humans don't eat it or was it Satan's work?


And the fundies answer in all serious with things like:

When God originally created the earth, it was perfect. After the fall of man, sin, death, corruption, and decay entered the world. Satan has corrupted all that was initially intended to be good and wholesome.


:laughter:


Somebody also asked 'What do farts smell like in Heaven?' but someone reported it as a violation so it got deleted. Shame. I thought a very valuable discussion could have ensued.

Maria Mac
Site Admin
Posts: 9265
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:34 pm

#15 Post by Maria Mac » October 22nd, 2007, 10:48 pm

Best answer to the above question:
It was Man's fault. Well, technically Eve's...which is also technically Satan's fault because of the whole serpent thing...but we'll blame Man just because it's fun to blame men for things.

She ate the Forbidden Fruit which, contrary to popular belief, was a fig...not an apple. No doubt, it tasted so good, she and Adam ate several. And, as anyone can attest who has ever eaten figs, particular in any substantial quantity, this can wreak havoc on the digestive tract.

And so the Lord spake, and said unto them "Let there be diarrhea," and there was, and it was ghastly, stinky diarrhea...and Adam and Eve did think they had taken seats in the Lake of Fire, so horribly did their bottoms hurt. And from that day forth, we were booted out of the Garden of Eden to live as mortals...and when we shat, it stank. Amen.

para handy
Posts: 587
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:39 pm

#16 Post by para handy » October 23rd, 2007, 8:47 pm

I'll never think of fundies in quite the same way after seeing this.

Nick
Posts: 11027
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 10:10 am

#17 Post by Nick » October 23rd, 2007, 9:25 pm

Now come on para handy! Just what were you searching for? :laughter:

Maria Mac
Site Admin
Posts: 9265
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:34 pm

#18 Post by Maria Mac » November 4th, 2007, 2:01 pm

This was on yahoo answers by someone taking the piss, obviously:

Am i in trouble? i'm dyslexic, and i just found out that i sold my soul to Santa?

Maria Mac
Site Admin
Posts: 9265
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:34 pm

#19 Post by Maria Mac » November 4th, 2007, 4:28 pm

I've just been reminded that today is the second anniversary of Allan's death. Will be sure to toast his memory. He lives on in many hearts around the world.

Maria Mac
Site Admin
Posts: 9265
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:34 pm

#20 Post by Maria Mac » November 21st, 2007, 12:58 am

Seen on Yahoo answers.

My son tells us he is into Judo. He was raised in a Christian home.?
Why would he forsake his parents and his Christian upbringing for some Asian cult?


I don't know whether this is a wind up or not. I've answered that 'I love satire and you do it so well,' but everyone else seems to take the question seriously (most reassuring that judo is OK and a few telling the questioner to get a life).

Post Reply