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Limericks

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
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Tetenterre
Posts: 3242
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Limericks

#21 Postby Tetenterre » August 19th, 2011, 6:03 pm

Latest post of the previous page:

(12 + 144 + 20 + 3(sqrt(4))) / 7 + 5 x 11 = 9^2 + 0

Spoiler:
A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.



I can't do this one in ASCII:

The integral from naught to pi
Of sine-squared of 2 phi d-phi,
When doubled and then
Not altered again,
Is log (minus 1) over i.
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

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Nick
Posts: 11027
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 10:10 am

Re: Limericks

#22 Postby Nick » August 19th, 2011, 8:43 pm

Tetenterre wrote:I can't do this one in ASCII
I'm struggling to work out why you might want to..... :D

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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Limericks

#23 Postby Dave B » August 19th, 2011, 9:10 pm

Tetenterre wrote:(12 + 144 + 20 + 3(sqrt(4))) / 7 + 5 x 11 = 9^2 + 0

Spoiler:
A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.



I can't do this one in ASCII:

The integral from naught to pi
Of sine-squared of 2 phi d-phi,
When doubled and then
Not altered again,
Is log (minus 1) over i.


Who's a clever cloggs then?

People who can rhyme with sums
Must have processors instead of tums
They ingest the digits
Have a period of fidgits
And equations then exit their bums
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Limericks

#24 Postby Dave B » August 19th, 2011, 9:13 pm

This is from the Oxford Literary Dictionary as an example of the Limerick:

A certain young chap called Menzies
Drove all the young girls into frenzies
'Til a virgin one night
Crossed her legs in a fright
And broke his bifocal lenses
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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animist
Posts: 6518
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#25 Postby animist » August 20th, 2011, 8:29 am

progressing (if that's the mot juste) from my previous effort:


Self-pity's my dominant trait;
Myself I just love to berate.
If I met my own sub
One night in a pub,
I would stand myself up on our date!

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Tetenterre
Posts: 3242
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Limericks

#26 Postby Tetenterre » August 20th, 2011, 11:34 am

Nick wrote:
Tetenterre wrote:I can't do this one in ASCII
I'm struggling to work out why you might want to..... :D


In order to appear to be a smart-arse. Duh! :wink:

Dave B wrote:Who's a clever cloggs then?


Neither was original -- but normal service is now resumed:

A prudish young spinster from Ealing
Denied any sexual feeling
Till a cynic named Boris
Merely touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

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Fia
Posts: 5480
Joined: July 6th, 2007, 8:29 pm

Re: Limericks

#27 Postby Fia » August 21st, 2011, 11:49 pm

I only know one limerick, and any reader of other threads knows that I cannot write poetry or limericks. But I share the only one I know, and in my defence it was told to me by a fabulous gay man who didn't survive the ravages of HIV in the 80s, so I post it it fond memory of him:

Upspake the king of Siam
For women I don't give a damn
you may think this odd of me
but I prefer sodomy
they say I'm a bugger: I am.




OK normal service is resumed, guys :)

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Emma Woolgatherer
Posts: 2976
Joined: February 27th, 2008, 12:17 pm

Re: Limericks

#28 Postby Emma Woolgatherer » August 22nd, 2011, 1:04 pm

An old, famous one:

She frowned and called him Mr
Because in sport he Kr
And so in spite
That very nite
This Mr Kr Sr

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Tetenterre
Posts: 3242
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Limericks

#29 Postby Tetenterre » August 22nd, 2011, 4:16 pm

Another oldie:

It's said of old Professor Bright
He could travel much faster than light
He went out one day
(In a relative way)
And returned on the previous night
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

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Griblet
Posts: 174
Joined: January 20th, 2011, 1:45 pm

Re: Limericks

#30 Postby Griblet » August 22nd, 2011, 4:58 pm

Here's a couple of real golden oldies:

A dirty old man of Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room;
They argued all night,
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.

There was a young lady from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in
They can pay to get out of it too!"
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

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Nick
Posts: 11027
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 10:10 am

Re: Limericks

#31 Postby Nick » August 22nd, 2011, 9:27 pm

There was an old gardener from Leeds
Who swallowed six packets of seeds
For a month his poor ass
Was all covered in grass
And he couldn't sit down for the weeds.

:D

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Griblet
Posts: 174
Joined: January 20th, 2011, 1:45 pm

Re: Limericks

#32 Postby Griblet » August 23rd, 2011, 1:00 pm

Limericks go back a long way:
There are two limericks in this:

Svmer is icumen in,
Lhude sing cuccu!
Groweþ sed and bloweþ med
And springþ þe wde nu,

Sing cuccu!
Awe bleteþ after lomb,
Lhouþ after calue cu.
Bulluc sterteþ, bucke uerteþ,
Murie sing cuccu!

Cuccu, cuccu, wel singes þu, cuccu;
Ne swik þu nauer nu.

Written about 1300.

This one's recorded in a MS of 1322:

The lion is wondirliche strong
& ful of wiles of wo
& wether he pleye
other take his preye
he can not do but slo
[other or, slo slay]
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

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animist
Posts: 6518
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#33 Postby animist » August 23rd, 2011, 4:04 pm

one from wayback:

There was a young man from Capri
Who decided to empty the sea.
He dug for a while,
Then said with a smile:
"I'll finish it off after tea"

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Tetenterre
Posts: 3242
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Limericks

#34 Postby Tetenterre » August 23rd, 2011, 4:16 pm

Griblet wrote:Svmer is icumen in,


I don't usually like American adaptations of English stuff, but here is an exception (courtesy of Ezra Pound, I believe):

Winter is icumen in,
Lhude sing Goddamm,
Raineth drop and staineth slop,
And how the wind doth ramm!
Sing: Goddamm.
Skiddeth bus and sloppeth us,
An ague hath my ham.
Freezeth river, turneth liver,
Damm you; Sing: Goddamm.
Goddamm, Goddamm, 'tis why I am, Goddamm,
So 'gainst the winter's balm.
Sing goddamm, damm, sing goddamm,
Sing goddamm, sing goddamm, DAMM.

Anyway, back to real :wink: limericks:

There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

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Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Limericks

#35 Postby Dave B » August 23rd, 2011, 6:58 pm

Griblet wrote:Svmer is icumen in,
Lhude sing cuccu!
Groweþ sed and bloweþ med
And springþ þe wde nu,

Sing cuccu!
Awe bleteþ after lomb,
Lhouþ after calue cu.
Bulluc sterteþ, bucke uerteþ,
Murie sing cuccu!

Cuccu, cuccu, wel singes þu, cuccu;
Ne swik þu nauer nu.


The lion is wondirliche strong
& ful of wiles of wo
& wether he pleye
other take his preye
he can not do but slo
[other or, slo slay]
Ah, they just don't write 'em like that any more do they?
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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Nick
Posts: 11027
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 10:10 am

Re: Limericks

#36 Postby Nick » August 23rd, 2011, 8:55 pm

There was a young man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born.
Which he wouldn't have been,
If his father had seen,
That the end of the rubber was torn.


:D

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Fia
Posts: 5480
Joined: July 6th, 2007, 8:29 pm

Re: Limericks

#37 Postby Fia » August 23rd, 2011, 10:29 pm

Tetenterre wrote:There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two


So line three was added

....

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6518
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#38 Postby animist » August 24th, 2011, 8:11 am

Fia wrote:
Tetenterre wrote:There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two


So line three was added

....
There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two.
So line three was added
By a man from Madrid (ouch! can someone improve this?)
Who had visited Macchu Pichu (which is in Peru - geddit?)
And he also worked for the Pru!

this is a llimerick or llamerick

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Griblet
Posts: 174
Joined: January 20th, 2011, 1:45 pm

Re: Limericks

#39 Postby Griblet » August 24th, 2011, 3:53 pm

I went to the Palace for tea;
She said, 'do you fart when you pee?'
I replied, 'not a bit,
Do you belch when you shit?'
And I felt that was one up to me.

Nick, the Cape Horn one is a parody of Edward Lear, and I have seen it attributed to the poet Swinburne.
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

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Tetenterre
Posts: 3242
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Limericks

#40 Postby Tetenterre » August 25th, 2011, 6:24 am

Fia wrote:
Tetenterre wrote:There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two


So line three was added

....


The first two were padded
With drivel. Don't d'ny it, it's true!
:laughter:

A poet who hailed from Tralee
Had limericks stop at line three.
'Twas there he got stuck.

A limerick fan from Australia
Regarded his work as a failure:
His verses were fine
Until the fourth line.
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

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Emma Woolgatherer
Posts: 2976
Joined: February 27th, 2008, 12:17 pm

Re: Limericks

#41 Postby Emma Woolgatherer » August 25th, 2011, 9:55 am

A scribbler from old Bangalore
Found limerick writing a chore
As much as she'd strive
To finish line five
It petered out


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