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Limericks

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
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Emma Woolgatherer
Posts: 2976
Joined: February 27th, 2008, 12:17 pm

Re: Limericks

#41 Post by Emma Woolgatherer » August 25th, 2011, 9:55 am

Latest post of the previous page:

A scribbler from old Bangalore
Found limerick writing a chore
As much as she'd strive
To finish line five
It petered out

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6522
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#42 Post by animist » August 25th, 2011, 12:27 pm

There was a nice girl called Carol
Who fancied a young lad called Darrel.
She was too shy to stress
As she watched him undress,
That she preferred him with his apparel

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6522
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#43 Post by animist » August 25th, 2011, 2:45 pm

There was a nice girl called Katie
Who quite fancied young castrati.
She was too shy to stress
As she watched them undress
That she'd prefer them with their apparati

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Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Limericks

#44 Post by Tetenterre » August 25th, 2011, 3:08 pm

If a limerick stops at line one
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

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animist
Posts: 6522
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#45 Post by animist » August 25th, 2011, 4:58 pm

don't know why this came to me:

There was a lady called Cecilia
Who lived on an isle called Sicilia.
She had ne'er a limb
But she managed to swim
By waving her millia cilia!

Nick
Posts: 11027
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 10:10 am

Re: Limericks

#46 Post by Nick » August 25th, 2011, 5:17 pm

Very good, animist :D

Sadly, mine are not original, but still....


A promiscous queer from Khartoom,
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argues all night
About who had the right,
To do what and with which and to whom.

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Limericks

#47 Post by Dave B » August 25th, 2011, 5:22 pm

A certain young chappie from Sheerness,
Much enjoyed consensual nearness,
But not with a whore
For to settle her score
He found was a terrible dearness.
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Limericks

#48 Post by Dave B » August 25th, 2011, 5:30 pm

Another odd fellow from Minster
Took out a jolly old spinster
His wallet he had forgot
So posh their meal was not
Just chips and a warmed up Ginster.
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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Griblet
Posts: 174
Joined: January 20th, 2011, 1:45 pm

Re: Limericks

#49 Post by Griblet » August 25th, 2011, 5:36 pm

There were some strange people called 'gays',
And God riddled their bodies with AIDS.
But if he'd made it clear
It's a sin to be queer,
Then how would the choirboys get laid?
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6522
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#50 Post by animist » August 26th, 2011, 8:40 am

There was a young lad called Leo
Who decided never to peeo.
His dad said "Like this"
And proceeded to piss.
Said Leo "It's just not for meo".

There was a young Norse god called Loki
Who liked a bit of a jokie.
He kept Asgard in such stitches
That poor Odin wet his breeches.
Oh what a Valhalla of a blokey!

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Limericks

#51 Post by Tetenterre » August 26th, 2011, 11:05 am

A companion to the Bishop of Birmingham:

"You're 'The Wet One', " the choirboy yells,
"'Cos your diocese is Bath and Wells.
Since you took confirmation
I can inform the nation
That it's bent from Peyronies, and smells!"
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

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Griblet
Posts: 174
Joined: January 20th, 2011, 1:45 pm

Re: Limericks

#52 Post by Griblet » August 26th, 2011, 11:44 am

There was a young lady from Bude
Who was swimming one day in a lake;
A man in a punt
Stuck his pole in her ear
And said, 'you cant swim here, it's dangerous!'

There was a young lady from Kew
Who said, as the bishop withdrew,
'Oh, the Vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker,
And four inches longer than you!'

From deep in the crypt of St Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar "Good gracious!
Did Brother Ignatius
Forget that the Bishop has piles?"
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Limericks

#53 Post by Dave B » August 26th, 2011, 2:04 pm

An old chap from Darkest Kent
His pension, on beer, all spent
Said, "Time for a kip"
So he undid the zip
Of the sleeping bag in his tent
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Limericks

#54 Post by Tetenterre » August 26th, 2011, 6:26 pm

Been dredging:

There was an old lecher of Lyme
Who married three wives at one time.
When asked, "Why the third?"
He replied, "One's absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!"

A popular girl is Miss Cholmondeley,
She's youthful, attractive and colmondeley,
And never objects
To suggestions of sex,
But simply cooperates dolmondeley.

An architect student named Yorick
Could, when feeling euphoric,
Display for selection
Three kinds of erection -
Corinthian, Ionic, and Doric.

A careless young gourmet of Crediton
Took pate de foie gras and spread it on
A rich chocolate biscuit.
Then murmured, "I'll risk it."
His tomb bears the date that he said it on.
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Limericks

#55 Post by Tetenterre » September 9th, 2011, 6:15 pm

Continuing the culinary theme:

There's a wee Scottish town called Arbroath,
Where folk are clearly not loathe
T'eat a smokie a day,
Cured the Auchmithie way
With a dram and a proud Gaelic oath.
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6522
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#56 Post by animist » January 1st, 2014, 11:44 am

I've come back here to dredge up a few rhymes wot I did here first so that I can inflict them on the captive audience on Facebook. Only one newie that I had not already inflicted here:

There was an old dildo called Dilly
Whose job was to satisfy Lily.
One day Lily said
To poor Dilly's dread
"You're fun but you're no match for Willy!"

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6522
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#57 Post by animist » January 1st, 2014, 7:35 pm

There was a young god called Jehovah
Who'd allow no other god to be drooled ovah.
Penalty for dissent
Was hellish torment,
But goodies lived forevah in clovah!

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6522
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#58 Post by animist » January 2nd, 2014, 10:28 am

There once was a limerick critic
Whose methods were quite analytic.
Each rhythm and rhyme
He'd carefully mime,
Then declare "That's not limeritic!"

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Limericks

#59 Post by Dave B » January 2nd, 2014, 10:53 am

A chappy (called himself "animist")
Fancied himself quite the Limerist
His rhymes, though funny
Were also quite punny
And best viewed when slightly pist.
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6522
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Limericks

#60 Post by animist » January 5th, 2014, 9:08 pm

There's a young-at-heart humanist called Dave
Whose respect I really crave.
His posts are prolific
But also terrific.
So, Dave, I give you an affectionate if virtual wave :wave:

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Limericks

#61 Post by Dave B » January 5th, 2014, 9:54 pm

:wave: Animist!

(Though feeling every one of my 69 years today - not a good one!)
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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