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Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
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Lord Muck oGentry
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Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#1 Post by Lord Muck oGentry » July 19th, 2009, 1:19 am

A search of the medical and other scientific literature through Google, Google Scholar, and Medline using the keywords "teaspoon", "spoon", "workplace", "loss" and "attrition" revealed nothing about the phenomenon of teaspoon loss. Lacking any guidance from previous researchers, we set out to answer the age old question "Where have all the bloody teaspoons gone?"
Well, this is what they got:
http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/331/7531/1498
What we can't say, we can't say and we can't whistle it either. — Frank Ramsey

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Lifelinking
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#2 Post by Lifelinking » July 19th, 2009, 12:16 pm

bloody hell, somebody has far toooo much time on their hands.
"Who thinks the law has anything to do with justice? It's what we have because we can't have justice."
William McIlvanney

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Ken H
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#3 Post by Ken H » July 19th, 2009, 1:51 pm

Ah, if only they could be taught to use plastic spoons... :smile:
This is one of the great social functions of science - to free people of superstition. - Steven Weinberg

tubataxidriver
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Joined: August 3rd, 2007, 10:39 pm

Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#4 Post by tubataxidriver » July 19th, 2009, 3:34 pm

This is semi-serious science, but I am sure there are many authors of similar papers with their eye mainly on the IgNobel prizes nowadays. See http://improbable.com/ig/winners/ for more info.

Ron Webb
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#5 Post by Ron Webb » July 19th, 2009, 5:57 pm

I want to thank Lord Muck oGentry for bringing this important story to our attention. I find it very suspicious that the major news media have chosen to conceal this information. This is clear evidence of a coverup [--][/--] certainly involving the government, but given that this is apparently a worldwide phenomenon (see the French data referenced under "Relevant Articles"), we must recognize the possibility that international agencies such as Illuminati or Al Qaeda might be involved as well.

As for why this ground-breaking research is being suppressed, we need look no further than the authors' own analysis:
We propose a somewhat more speculative theory (with apologies to Douglas Adams and Veet Voojagig). Somewhere in the cosmos, along with all the planets inhabited by humanoids, reptiloids, walking treeoids, and superintelligent shades of the colour blue, a planet is entirely given over to spoon life-forms. Unattended spoons make their way to this planet, slipping away through space to a world where they enjoy a uniquely spoonoid lifestyle, responding to highly spoon oriented stimuli, and generally leading the spoon equivalent of the good life.
Clearly, it is the Spoons themselves that have the most to gain by keeping their peripatetic capabilities from being widely known. We must assume that many of these sentient Spoons have infiltrated the aforementioned organizations and have risen to positions of high authority. How they could have accomplished this is impossible to say. They may merely be masters of disguise, or they may have shapeshifting or mass-hypnotic powers. We can only be alert for any evidence of spoon-like behaviour and cognition: tendencies to nestle together or "spoon", a predilection for Spoonerisms, antipathy for forks and other rival cutlery.

The Spoons will fight back, no doubt. They will try to dismiss the Lim study as inconsequential (as has already been done here on this very forum [-X ), or will propose far-fetched alternative explanations. One argument that will undoubtedly be tried is the counterclaim that the missing Spoons were stolen by staff. They will point to the retrieval of a mere five spoons to support this theory, ignoring the fact that this accounts for less than ten percent of the observed loss, and that it assumes a widespread conspiracy among office staff to steal and/or hoard Spoons. (And notice the narcissistic assumption that Spoons are so attractive and valuable to humans that we would be inclined to this behaviour.)

We must be vigilent. We must demand the truth. We must not be silenced.

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Lifelinking
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#6 Post by Lifelinking » July 19th, 2009, 7:16 pm

We must be vigilent. We must demand the truth. We must not be silenced.
I don't want to ladle in to you but I suspect you may be speaking with forked tongue. The whole thing is on a fecking knife edge.
"Who thinks the law has anything to do with justice? It's what we have because we can't have justice."
William McIlvanney

Ron Webb
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#7 Post by Ron Webb » July 19th, 2009, 8:10 pm

Lifelinking wrote:I don't want to ladle in to you but I suspect you may be speaking with forked tongue. The whole thing is on a fecking knife edge.
:pointlaugh: Ah-HAH!!! I knew it! Consider yourself "outed"!

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Lifelinking
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#8 Post by Lifelinking » July 19th, 2009, 8:14 pm

Out and proud. As well as eating all the pies, I have all the spoons. :moon:
"Who thinks the law has anything to do with justice? It's what we have because we can't have justice."
William McIlvanney

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Lorikeet
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#9 Post by Lorikeet » August 31st, 2009, 1:35 am

Are we all about to become cereal killers here? :smile:
All humans are brothers. We came from the same supernova.

Nick
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#10 Post by Nick » September 3rd, 2009, 11:02 am

Never mind disappearing tea-spoons! What about disappearing socks?

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Ken H
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#11 Post by Ken H » September 3rd, 2009, 1:16 pm

I noticed that one's reflection is upside down in the bowl of a spoon. My conclusion is they must have magical powers, perhaps even satanic!
This is one of the great social functions of science - to free people of superstition. - Steven Weinberg

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gcb01
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#12 Post by gcb01 » September 3rd, 2009, 2:44 pm

When my son was a toddler we nearly ran out of teaspoons. It turned out when he very carefully put the empty yoghurt pot in the bin he also deposited the tea spoon there.

To cure the sock problem I tried buying 6 identical pairs. 4 months later 3 (of the 12) had gone.

I noe go sockless whenever possible.
Regards

Campbell

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Lifelinking
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#13 Post by Lifelinking » September 3rd, 2009, 3:17 pm

S oons? S oons? You think you've got roblems? Some u kers stole all the u king 's rom my u king keyboard. And all the u king 's and 's as well. What a dirty king thieving ri k!
"Who thinks the law has anything to do with justice? It's what we have because we can't have justice."
William McIlvanney

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Alan H
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#14 Post by Alan H » September 3rd, 2009, 4:34 pm

:hilarity: :hilarity: :pointlaugh: :pointlaugh:
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

Lord Muck oGentry
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#15 Post by Lord Muck oGentry » September 9th, 2009, 1:07 am

Nick wrote:Never mind disappearing tea-spoons! What about disappearing socks?

You'd think that if they go into the laundry basket in pairs, and from there into the washing machine and out again, they must still be in pairs.

Hah! Resistentialist thinking warns us against such foolishness. Months after we have thrown out mateless socks, their mates turn up in the n-dimensional folds in the feet of the duvet-covers. But only if we have already thrown their mates out.
What we can't say, we can't say and we can't whistle it either. — Frank Ramsey

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anaconda
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#16 Post by anaconda » September 10th, 2009, 5:22 am

Bloody brilliant :pointlaugh:

cutlerology at its cutting edge!
John

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Alan H
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#17 Post by Alan H » October 2nd, 2009, 1:57 am

This year's Ig Nobel awards have just been announced.
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

Trinoc
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#18 Post by Trinoc » February 9th, 2010, 7:46 pm

gcb01 wrote:To cure the sock problem I tried buying 6 identical pairs. 4 months later 3 (of the 12) had gone.

I noe go sockless whenever possible.
I was about to post the BMJ spoon article when I found it had already been done here.

Anyway ... socks ...

I typically buy about 12 identical pairs from M&S's cheapest selection and use them sequentially until they are all a bit worn, then I buy another set and put the previous lot in the charity sack.

However, simply having all identical socks is not enough to prevent the rapacious behaviour of the washing machine. The machine has two aims: (1) To leave you with fewer socks than you started with, and (2) To leave you with an odd number of socks. So, the solution is always to put an odd number of socks in each wash, keeping any left-over sock until the next wash. That way, the machine's two aims are placed into conflict with each other and the only way it can achieve both aims is to cause simultaneous double sock decay. Like double beta decay in radioactivity, this increases the half life of each sock by a large amount, and can with luck reduce the total attrition over the lifetime of a batch of socks to maybe only one pair.
Be skeptical of the things you believe are false, but be very skeptical of the things you believe are true.

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Lifelinking
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#19 Post by Lifelinking » February 9th, 2010, 8:39 pm

Sequential socks.

What a giveaway!
"Who thinks the law has anything to do with justice? It's what we have because we can't have justice."
William McIlvanney

Fia
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Re: Teaspoons: Resistentialism or Spoonoid planet? The evidence.

#20 Post by Fia » February 9th, 2010, 9:10 pm

Hey guys, why not just get over this irrational need for ones socks to match?... will the sky fall in if one sock is she quickly checks her ankles purple and the other fuchsia? Nope. And odd socks live on the same planet as odd gloves, biros, teaspoons, lighters, with the temporary visitors of car keys and purses. Unless they've found a useful niche on your foot :laughter:

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