INFORMATION

This website uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some of these cookies are essential to make our site work and others help us to improve by giving us some insight into how the site is being used.

For further information, see our Privacy Policy.

Continuing to use this website is acceptance of these cookies.

We are not accepting any new registrations.

Just a Joke

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
Post Reply
Message
Author
User avatar
Altfish
Posts: 1821
Joined: March 26th, 2012, 8:46 am

Re: Just a Joke

#761 Post by Altfish » December 8th, 2014, 10:05 am

Latest post of the previous page:

:laughter:

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#762 Post by Dave B » December 12th, 2014, 7:02 pm

Just heard on "The News Quiz" (paraphrased):

Mrs Smith of Adelaide is suing Adelaide Hospital because her husband lost all interest in sex after a procedure there.

A hospital spokesman said:
Spoiler:
"Mr Smith underwent cataract removal, we merely made his eyesight better."
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

User avatar
Alan H
Posts: 24067
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#763 Post by Alan H » December 12th, 2014, 7:27 pm

:hilarity:
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

User avatar
Alan H
Posts: 24067
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#764 Post by Alan H » December 13th, 2014, 1:28 am

2014-12-13_00h02_57.png
2014-12-13_00h02_57.png (283.07 KiB) Viewed 13539 times
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Just a Joke

#765 Post by Tetenterre » December 14th, 2014, 1:22 pm

Seasonal one:
virgin_wisemen.jpg
virgin_wisemen.jpg (29.5 KiB) Viewed 13522 times
(Well, it made me giggle...)
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

User avatar
Alan H
Posts: 24067
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#766 Post by Alan H » December 14th, 2014, 1:54 pm

:pointlaugh:
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#767 Post by Dave B » January 19th, 2015, 3:30 pm

I left my last girlfriend because she wouldn't stop counting.
I often wonder what she's up to now.
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#768 Post by Dave B » January 19th, 2015, 8:46 pm

From the Amazon joke forum:

A wee Glasgow woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal, and asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
"Breast fed," she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did and he pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk!"

"I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad I came!"
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

Maria Mac
Site Admin
Posts: 9306
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:34 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#769 Post by Maria Mac » February 14th, 2015, 1:07 pm

No offence like, but this is so spot on from a (North) Londonder's pov, I had to preserve it.
https://twitter.com/Amazing_Maps/status ... 13/photo/1

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Just a Joke

#770 Post by Tetenterre » February 14th, 2015, 9:35 pm

:pointlaugh:
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#771 Post by Dave B » April 26th, 2015, 8:10 pm

The newly selected candidate was trying a "soapbox" at a local park, but was suffering loud and constant barracking.

"Be fair," he finally shouted in a rare lull, "I can't even hear myself!"

"That's OK," came a voice from the front of the crowd, "I can hear it all, you're not missing anything interesting!"
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

Nick
Posts: 11027
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 10:10 am

Re: Just a Joke

#772 Post by Nick » April 27th, 2015, 10:58 pm

I've just come back from a ballooning holiday. I put on four stone.






:D

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#773 Post by Dave B » June 20th, 2015, 12:38 pm

Fred: "I don't believe there is such a thing as the 'Westminster Bubble' ."

George: "Why's that then?"

Fred: "Such a delicate thing full of pricks stands no chance!"
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

User avatar
animist
Posts: 6522
Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#774 Post by animist » August 27th, 2015, 9:23 pm

just seen this on Facebook:


PARKING TICKET: My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an "a**hole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So my wife called him a "s*ithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.


This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We always look for cars with religious bumper stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age!!

Nick
Posts: 11027
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 10:10 am

Re: Just a Joke

#775 Post by Nick » August 28th, 2015, 2:25 pm

:pointlaugh:

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo...?
Spoiler:
One is a heavy animal, and the other is a little lighter.... :D

User avatar
Alan H
Posts: 24067
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#776 Post by Alan H » November 8th, 2015, 12:34 pm

Screenshot from 2015-11-08 2.png
Screenshot from 2015-11-08 2.png (204.71 KiB) Viewed 12993 times
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

thundril
Posts: 3607
Joined: July 4th, 2008, 5:02 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#777 Post by thundril » November 8th, 2015, 1:35 pm

:hilarity: :pointlaugh:
That's me!

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#778 Post by Dave B » November 8th, 2015, 1:57 pm

^^
:laughter:
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Just a Joke

#779 Post by Tetenterre » November 8th, 2015, 9:23 pm

^^^
:pointlaugh:
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#780 Post by Dave B » November 14th, 2015, 12:54 pm

Grafitti in HoP toilet:

"There are 4000 people working here and you are the only one who knows what he is doing."
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#781 Post by Dave B » December 8th, 2015, 5:16 pm

The wisdom of Alfred E. Neuman...
"Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!"
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

Post Reply