INFORMATION

This website uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some of these cookies are essential to make our site work and others help us to improve by giving us some insight into how the site is being used. For further information, see our Privacy Policy. Continuing to use this website is acceptance of these cookies.

Just a Joke

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
Post Reply
Message
Author
stevenw888
Posts: 694
Joined: July 16th, 2010, 12:48 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#501 Post by stevenw888 » August 19th, 2011, 2:35 pm

Latest post of the previous page:

Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing for the Argoed Fish Bar. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar, but the 'B' fell off".
"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots." - From the film "Top Gun"

stevenw888
Posts: 694
Joined: July 16th, 2010, 12:48 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#502 Post by stevenw888 » August 19th, 2011, 2:38 pm

Oh no! I can't stop! (Well it is Friday, aftwer all...)

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to the Department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart along with this note:

My Dearest,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love, Roger

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots." - From the film "Top Gun"

stevenw888
Posts: 694
Joined: July 16th, 2010, 12:48 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#503 Post by stevenw888 » August 19th, 2011, 2:47 pm

There was this teacher and she was teaching a nursery class to use big words.....

She asks a little boy what he did over the weekend.
The little boy said, "I rode the choo choo"
The teacher said, "no...you rode the train! Use BIG people words!"

Then she asked a little girl, "What did you do on Sunday?"
The little girl replied, "I went to church with my momma."
The teacher repiles, " NOOOOOOO! You went to church with your mother! USE BIG PEOPLE WORDS!

Then the teacher asks another little boy, " What did you do before school this morning?"
The little boy replies, I read a book!"
The teacher says, "Oh, that’s nice...what book did you read?"
The little boy, thinking quickly, replies, "WINNIE THE SHIT."
"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots." - From the film "Top Gun"

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Just a Joke

#504 Post by Tetenterre » August 19th, 2011, 5:40 pm

It's kindergarten morning, and the teacher is getting the children to recognise various animals from drawings. All, except Little Johnny (for it was he) are enthusiastically calling out the animal names. The teacher, trying to engage Johnny, shows a picture of a cow. "What's that, Johnny?"
"Dunno, miss."
"Cow, cow, cow, " all the other children shriek.
The same happens with pictures of pigs, horses and goats. Knowing that Johnny has his own chickens that he cares for, she instructs the other children to be silent, holds up a picture of a hen, and asks Little Johnny to identify it.
"Dunno, miss," says Little Johnny.
"Have a go, Johnny."
"I really dunno, miss."
"Please, Johnny, just try for me."
Spoiler:
"Well, miss, it looks like a cross between a Light Sussex and a Rhode Island Red, but there's something odd about the shape of the neck. Has it got a bit of Leghorn in it?"
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

Nick
Posts: 11027
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 10:10 am

Re: Just a Joke

#505 Post by Nick » August 19th, 2011, 8:48 pm

:laughter:


Scientists in America have crossed a Rhode Island Red with a waitress, and come up with....
Spoiler:
....a chicken that lays tables. :D

User avatar
Alan H
Posts: 24067
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#506 Post by Alan H » August 19th, 2011, 10:50 pm

An infamous stud with a long history of conquests walks into a bar. He looks worried. The barman pours him a drink and asks him what's the matter. "Some pissed off husband sent me a note threatening to kill me if I didn't stop screwing his wife," he explains. "So why don't you just stop?" asks the barman. "I can't," says the stud. "He didn't sign his name!"
from Lorikeet (@PenguinGalaxy) on Twitter
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Just a Joke

#507 Post by Tetenterre » August 23rd, 2011, 12:39 pm

A tourist walked into a Brighton curio/antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway.

He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?'

The owner replied: 'It's £12 for the rat, and £100 for the story.'

The tourist gave the owner his £12 and said: 'I'll just take the rat, You can keep the story.'

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him. This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way. He increased his speed & ran on towards the beach, and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster & faster. By now very concerned, he ran down to the pier and threw the bronze Rat far out into the water. Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned.

The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said: 'Ah, you've come back for the story then?'

'No,' said the tourist, 'I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim Fundamentalist Cleric, a couple of illegal immigrants, a Reiki master, a Manchester United supporter, and anything French!'
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

stevenw888
Posts: 694
Joined: July 16th, 2010, 12:48 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#508 Post by stevenw888 » August 23rd, 2011, 2:10 pm

From The Weakest Link

Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?

Contestant: Geronimo!
"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots." - From the film "Top Gun"

stevenw888
Posts: 694
Joined: July 16th, 2010, 12:48 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#509 Post by stevenw888 » August 23rd, 2011, 2:32 pm

And from Family Fortunes...

Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell

Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar

Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital

What is Hitler's first name? - Heil



Name some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.

A dangerous race? - The Arabs

Something that floats in a bath? - Water

Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair

A famous Royal? - Mail

Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A bicycle with wings

A famous bridge? - The Bridge Over Troubled Waters

A way of toasting someone: "Over a fire.."
"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots." - From the film "Top Gun"

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Just a Joke

#510 Post by Tetenterre » August 24th, 2011, 3:47 pm

The new commander in Iraq hears that a Scottish regiment has a specialized field hospital that's doing fantastic things with the troops. He wants to know what is so special about the place, so he arranges a tour. When he gets to the ward, it's full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness. He's perplexed, so goes up to the first bed and greets the soldier there. The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."


The general is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. That soldier responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."


Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the commander moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."


Now seriously troubled, the general turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No, not at all," replies the doctor.
Spoiler:
"This is the Serious Burns unit."
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

User avatar
Val
Posts: 749
Joined: October 6th, 2007, 10:56 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#511 Post by Val » August 28th, 2011, 9:12 pm

I liked that. I never guessed what the punch line was going to be.

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Just a Joke

#512 Post by Tetenterre » August 29th, 2011, 12:41 pm

An old one...

The inhibitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhibitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleaved bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by Homer. Homer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral reef. The government of Athesn was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbours were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Parisians had more men.

Eventually, the Ramones conquered the Greeks. History call people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Shakespeare never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespeare's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hotey". The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise Regained."

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and the was called the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porposies on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, among with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Capitain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their pacels through the post without stamps. During the War, Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two signers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared "a horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Them the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln write the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.


Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called "Candy". Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear him any children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the "Organ of the Species". Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

stevenw888
Posts: 694
Joined: July 16th, 2010, 12:48 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#513 Post by stevenw888 » August 30th, 2011, 3:28 pm

Wow, that's a tough act to follow! I laughed so much my sides are hurting!
Try this one...

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.

Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe .

'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr.. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......
Spoiler:
Grumpy shagged a penguin,
Grumpy shagged a penguin!
"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots." - From the film "Top Gun"

User avatar
Alan H
Posts: 24067
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#514 Post by Alan H » August 30th, 2011, 11:27 pm

:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

thundril
Posts: 3607
Joined: July 4th, 2008, 5:02 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#515 Post by thundril » August 30th, 2011, 11:50 pm

:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:

User avatar
Dave B
Posts: 17809
Joined: May 17th, 2010, 9:15 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#516 Post by Dave B » August 31st, 2011, 9:01 am

Heard it before but had forgotten the punch line so :hilarity:
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

User avatar
Griblet
Posts: 174
Joined: January 20th, 2011, 1:45 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#517 Post by Griblet » August 31st, 2011, 9:15 am

This one's been around for decades, but you may not have seen it:

The following is an unfortunate translation of a programme note for Bizet's Carmen, which was produced for the alleged benefit of English speakers. I have yet to locate the original source, but the programme was reproduced in The Book of Heroic Failures some years ago.

Act 1. Carmen is a cigarmakeress from a tobago factory who loves with Don Jose (Duet: "Talk me of my mother"). There is a noise inside the tobago factory and the revolting cigar-makeresses burst into the stage. Carmen is arrested and Don Jose is ordered to mounting guard her but Carmen subduces him and lets her escape.

Act 2. The Tavern. Carmen, Frasquito, Mercedes, Zuiniga, Morales. Carmen's aria ("The sistrums are tinkling"). Enter Escamillio, a balls-fighter. Enter two smuglers (Duet: "We have in mind a business") but Carmen refuses to penetrate because Don Jose has liberated her from prison. He just now arrives (Aria: "Slop, here who comes") but here are the bugles singing his retreat. Don Jose will leave and draws his sword. Called by Carmen's shrieks the two smuglers interfere with her but Don Jose is bound to dessert, he will follow into them (final chorus: "Opening sky wandering life").

Act 3. A rocky landscape, the smugler's shelter. Carmen sees her death in cards and Don Jose makes a date with Carmen for the next balls fight.

Act 4. A place in Seville. Procession of balls-fighters, the roaring of the balls is heared in the arena. Escamillio enters (Aria and chorus: "Toreador, toreador, All hail the balls of a Toreador"). Enter Don Jose (Aria: "I do not threaten, I besooch you") but Carmen repels him wants to join with Escamillio now chaired by the crowd. Don Jose stabbs her (Aria: "Oh rupture, rupture, you may arrest me. I did kill her") he sings "Oh my beautiful Carmen, my subductive Carmen."
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

User avatar
Griblet
Posts: 174
Joined: January 20th, 2011, 1:45 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#518 Post by Griblet » August 31st, 2011, 4:37 pm

Richard Branson gets lost in the fog on his latest ballooning adventure. He loses height until he can see the ground, and he spots a man walking his dog. "Hey! Hello, you ! Where am I?" shouts Branson.
"You're in a balloon, about a hundred feet above me and my dog" the man replies.
"You're an economist, aren't you?"
"Yes, how do you know?"
"Well, you answered my question with an accurate response that fulfils all the criteria I gave you, but the information you gave me is completely bloody useless!"
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

User avatar
Alan H
Posts: 24067
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#519 Post by Alan H » August 31st, 2011, 11:54 pm

:laughter:
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

User avatar
Tetenterre
Posts: 3244
Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am

Re: Just a Joke

#520 Post by Tetenterre » September 2nd, 2011, 11:26 am

IT Support: "You need a temporary password with eight characters."

User:
Spoiler:
"OK, I'll have 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves'."

Why do Christians bury their dead under 8 feet of soil?
Spoiler:
Because, deep down, they are decent people.
Steve

Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.

petemster
Posts: 233
Joined: July 10th, 2007, 7:02 pm

Re: Just a Joke

#521 Post by petemster » September 2nd, 2011, 4:50 pm

. A little bit of medical humour.

Old MacTavish has an appointment at the hospital and, because he is a bit deaf, takes his
long-suffering wife along in case she is needed.
The consultant does some poking and prodding then speaks to MacTavish -

Consultant : Umm, we'll have to do some more tests. We'll need a urine sample.
MacTavish to wife : What's he saying ?
Wife : He says you'll need to give a urine sample.

Consultant : And we'd like you to give a faeces sample.
MacTavish : What's he saying now ?
Wife : He says they want a sample of your faeces.

Consultant : And we'll need a small blood sample too.
MacTavish : What did he say ?
Wife : He said you've just to leave your underpants with the nurse.

Post Reply