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God was a Jew and other jokes

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
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VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#361 Postby VINDICATOR » May 1st, 2018, 1:06 pm

Latest post of the previous page:

Dear Nick,
When I warned you that we would be going the way of the dinosaurs when the World population reaches 50 billion, I was pulling my punches.Even if the population remains static, the World will become unlivable in a couple of Centuries. First of all, the natural resources are disappearing at an alarming rate, these include much of the prime land area, where 90% of humans live and grow food. They will disappear when the polar ice-caps melt and they are innundated! And that little bit left will soon disappear under garbage land-fills! The GPGP warns us that oceans will be so polluted that we can't eat the fish in them! All the natural resources like minerals and fuel will be depleted. The forests will disappear and we will suffocate in the carbon dioxide atmosphere! All the fresh water will be polluted! Compound this with the struggle to conquor the World by some people! We don't need a killer asteroid to extinct us. We are entirely capable of doing it ourselves!
The great Prophet Stephen Hawking warned us about this because he was worried about Human Destiny. Most of us are just concerned about our generation or two, that is very near-sighted!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#362 Postby VINDICATOR » May 6th, 2018, 12:11 pm

What is a Humanist? In the preface to this Website Mariah Maclachlan gives a good definition, but living up to those standards aren't so easy.
First of all let's consider the development of The Golden Rule, both the Yin (don't) and the yang (do). Almost every species of animal has "mother love", because without this they would become extinct. The next step is family love which is also important for the preservation of the species. The first human establishment of the Golden Rule was to include "Neighbors". It ultimately expanded in spacial dimensions to include all of humanity. But that's not enough, as Maria MacLachlin says, we Humanists are endowed with the sacred responsibility to "preserve the planet for the future of humankind"! ie. expanding our responsibility into the time dimension!
Most people neglect this aspect, and just consider the present humans or at most consider to the third generation, ie. their grandchildren. The Humanist Prophet, Stephen Hawing, is our Role Model. Although he lived for dozens of years on the verge of death, he didn't waste his time on buying "fire insurance" like Pascal did, he spent his time trying to solve the problem of saving the future of mankind! We must not let Hawking die in vain, it is now our responsibility!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#363 Postby VINDICATOR » May 11th, 2018, 4:14 pm

This is not a joke. My source of information is the Sept. 2013 issue of The National Geographic magazine. When the polar ice-caps and the Greenland glaciers melt, sea-level will rise 216 feet (66 meters). Of course this isn't in the immediate future, but it is inevitable, unless humans make a huge change in their way of living. Otherwise, when that happens, all the land that is lower than that level will be innundated! Here is a partial list of the cities that will disappear:
In Europe we have London, Brussels, St. Petersberg, Stockholm, Rome, Venice, Cairo, Dubai, etc.
In America the whole Atlantic seaboard will disappear including the whole of Florida. New York, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Los Angeles, will be gone. San Francisco will be a cluster of islands!
In Asia, Beijing, Shanghai, HK, Tokio, Manila, Bangkok etc. will have vanished!
Some whole countries will disappear too, like Holland, Bangladesh, etc.
A lot of the best agricultural land will be gone too.
Don't think that due to the increase in the size of the ocean we can get more sea food. The oceans are becoming cess-pools (see my post on the Great Pacific Garbage Patch) and ocean fish will be too polluted to be edible!
It always amuses me when some religious geek says the end of the world has arrived. This post has nothing to do with religion and is not a joke!

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Alan H
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Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#364 Postby Alan H » May 11th, 2018, 5:01 pm

VINDICATOR wrote:This is not a joke.
If it's not a joke, then why post it here? If you think there's something worthy of discussion, why not post it under a more appropriate heading?
Alan Henness

There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:

1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#365 Postby VINDICATOR » May 12th, 2018, 6:20 am

Dear Alan,
Thanks for the suggestion. I will consider it.

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#366 Postby VINDICATOR » May 16th, 2018, 2:42 pm

What is funny? What is tragic? I think it was Shakespeare who said "Life is a comedy for those that think, and a tragedy for those that feel!" If I misplaced the quote, will someone correct me please.
Now here is an ancient Chinese joke that will strike some as funny, and others as sad, how does it make you feel?

Once upon a time, there was a very poor husband and wife. They would scrabble in the garbage to find something to eat and something to wear. One day they chanced to find an egg. They cherished it as if it were a jewel.
The wife said "We will hatch it into a chicken. Then it will lay more eggs and then we can start a chicken farm!"
The husband said "In a short time we will have enough money to build some pig sties and raise some pigs too."
The wife said "We can then raise some goats for milk, meat and fur."
The husband says "We can buy more land and make a big plantation."
The wife says "Then we can buy some stylish clothes to wear."
The husband says "We can build a big house to live in."
The wife says "Then we can hire lots of servants to serve us."
The husband says "Then I can take a second wife, young and pretty!"
The wife says angrily "You're just dreaming!" Then she picks up the egg and smashes it on the ground!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#367 Postby VINDICATOR » May 20th, 2018, 3:53 pm

Hi, everybody
I stopped posting for a couple of days so that I wouldn't interfere with the Royal Wedding. I noticed that almost nobody on either side of the Atlantic was against it. Everyone was for it in a big way! Even the BLM Club and the terrorists behaved themselves which surprised me. Harry and Meghan were just made for each other. They even have the same ski-jump nose! Maybe this is an omen that US and UK will have a merger one day (now that you have brexitted). Since the signers of the Declaration of Independence were almost all slave owners, then according to the Political Correctness Ideology, that disqualifies it! That means that the Declaration of Independence is invalid, and the US is still part of the UK!
I had a Canadian friend and I asked him why do they still consider the King/Queen as their head of state? Why not cancel them out? He said "No. The royalty is very important for unity of the country." The way things are going in the US today, it seems as if we're headed for a new Civil War! I think my Canadian friend was right! Can we borrow your Queen?

In my last post was a quote "Life is a comedy for those that think, but it's a tragedy for those that feel." It isn't Shakespeare, it's Horace Walpole. Sorry. Why didn't anyone correct me?

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#368 Postby VINDICATOR » May 22nd, 2018, 2:50 pm

The Pope is playing with fire again!

I just saw in the news that the Pope has a new friend who is gay! He said "God made you like that and loves you like that. And I love you like that too!"
There are 2 big bon-fires that the Pope is playing with.
First of all, everyone knows that God made man in his own image. that means that the Pope is saying that God has some "gay" in him!
Second of all, God in the Bible curses the gays many times, and orders his worshippers to kill them all off. Once again the Pope is saying that the Bible is wrong! (He recently said that the Lord's Prayer was wrong) How can you love someone that God orders you to kill? I guess that means that the Pope is the true head of the Church, and even God has to obey him!
Maybe Pope Francis is a second generation Martin Luther! He seems to be starting a new Reformation! If he was clever he would put out a new version of the Bible that conforms to Political Correctness! He might even suggest that Jesus was an African Black! Then the Church could exist for another Century or two. Otherwise it will collapse very quickly! :)

VINDICATOR
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Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#369 Postby VINDICATOR » May 24th, 2018, 3:01 pm

Sharia law vs. the Ten Commandments.

The other day I came across an English Muslim arguing with an American Taliban (A Christian Fundamentalist). This is the gist of their argument:
Taliban: "You have taken over huge swaths of the UK such as the area around Birmingham and turned them into "Sharia controlled zones" with Sharia Law replacing the British Common Law! You have even established at least 130 Sharia Courts. For instance, you call it a crime to leave Islam and is punishable by death! Did you know that British Law guarantees freedom of religion?"

Muslim: "People that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! Your Constitution guarantees freedom of religion. However, you US Talibans have erected many monuments to the "Ten Commandments' all over the US including government property, such as court houses. Did you ever read the Ten Commandments? The first 4 commandments forbids religious freedom. You must worship God (their God) or you will go to Hell! Not only do you go to Hell, your descendents for 4 generations all go to Hell too! You will all burn in Hell-fire for eternity! These Ten Commandments that you honor defy the Constitution 3 times in the first four commandments!
1- They deny you religious freedom!
2- They punish people for something their ancesters did!
3- They burn people in Hell for eternity which is a "cruel and unusual punishment" also forbidden in the Constitution!

"Oh Ho" said the Pot to the Kettle. "You are dirty and filthy and black. No-one would think you were metal, unless you were given a crack!"
"Not so not so" Kettle cried to the Pot. "It's your own dirty image you see. For I am so clean without blemish or blot that your blackness is mirrored in me!"

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animist
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Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#370 Postby animist » May 24th, 2018, 8:24 pm

VINDICATOR wrote:Hi, everybody
I stopped posting for a couple of days so that I wouldn't interfere with the Royal Wedding. I noticed that almost nobody on either side of the Atlantic was against it. Everyone was for it in a big way! Even the BLM Club and the terrorists behaved themselves which surprised me. Harry and Meghan were just made for each other. They even have the same ski-jump nose! Maybe this is an omen that US and UK will have a merger one day (now that you have brexitted). Since the signers of the Declaration of Independence were almost all slave owners, then according to the Political Correctness Ideology, that disqualifies it! That means that the Declaration of Independence is invalid, and the US is still part of the UK!
I had a Canadian friend and I asked him why do they still consider the King/Queen as their head of state? Why not cancel them out? He said "No. The royalty is very important for unity of the country." The way things are going in the US today, it seems as if we're headed for a new Civil War! I think my Canadian friend was right! Can we borrow your Queen?

In my last post was a quote "Life is a comedy for those that think, but it's a tragedy for those that feel." It isn't Shakespeare, it's Horace Walpole. Sorry. Why didn't anyone correct me?

sorry, VInnie, if I had noticed this I might have surmised that, as it is an epigram rather than a figurative use of language embedded into the dramatic plot (hey, get me!) I might have wondered about the Shakiness of this. Keep posting VInnie, I like your stuff even though I may miss it. I could not care a shit for the Royal Wedding, though I like it that a mixed race Yank is entering into Creep Circle :D

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animist
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Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#371 Postby animist » May 24th, 2018, 8:29 pm

VINDICATOR wrote:What is funny? What is tragic? I think it was Shakespeare who said "Life is a comedy for those that think, and a tragedy for those that feel!" If I misplaced the quote, will someone correct me please.
Now here is an ancient Chinese joke that will strike some as funny, and others as sad, how does it make you feel?

Once upon a time, there was a very poor husband and wife. They would scrabble in the garbage to find something to eat and something to wear. One day they chanced to find an egg. They cherished it as if it were a jewel.
The wife said "We will hatch it into a chicken. Then it will lay more eggs and then we can start a chicken farm!"
The husband said "In a short time we will have enough money to build some pig sties and raise some pigs too."
The wife said "We can then raise some goats for milk, meat and fur."
The husband says "We can buy more land and make a big plantation."
The wife says "Then we can buy some stylish clothes to wear."
The husband says "We can build a big house to live in."
The wife says "Then we can hire lots of servants to serve us."
The husband says "Then I can take a second wife, young and pretty!"
The wife says angrily "You're just dreaming!" Then she picks up the egg and smashes it on the ground!

fucking good for her

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#372 Postby VINDICATOR » May 25th, 2018, 2:42 pm

Dear Animist,
Thanks for the encouragement! Yes, I try to make my posts with an epigram flourish, fun to read, but with in depth philisophical meaning. It always surprises me that humans are so illogical, and can't see the obvious stupidity of religion. For instance, 90% of the Christians say that without the Ten Commandments, humans would have no morals, and would go around murdering each other just for the fun of it! They never consider seriously comparing the Ten Commandments (God given) with the Constitution and civil laws (man-made) to see which are really better. When you consider that over 90% 0f the human race believes in one religion or another doesn't it frighten you? What is wrong with Homo Sapiens? Why are they so gullible to religious scams? Why are they the norms and we the geeks?

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#373 Postby VINDICATOR » May 25th, 2018, 2:45 pm

Dear Animist,
Thanks for the encouragement! Yes, I try to make my posts with an epigram flourish, fun to read, but with in depth philisophical meaning. It always surprises me that humans are so illogical, and can't see the obvious stupidity of religion. For instance, 90% of the Christians say that without the Ten Commandments, humans would have no morals, and would go around murdering each other just for the fun of it! They never consider seriously comparing the Ten Commandments (God given) with the Constitution and civil laws (man-made) to see which are really better. When you consider that over 90% 0f the human race believes in one religion or another doesn't it frighten you? What is wrong with Homo Sapiens? Why are they so gullible to religious scams? Why are they the norms and we the geeks?

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#374 Postby VINDICATOR » May 26th, 2018, 2:15 pm

Kudos Ireland!
They did it again in voting for abortion! (A couple of years ago they voted in favor of same-sex marriage.) In spite of everything the Catholic Church is doing, Ireland is fast becoming a modern nation. Keep it up!
Most Churches are against abortion. They say it's to save lives. However, the real reason is because they want you to sporn new members of the Church. Bin Ladin, the mastermind of the 9/11 terrorist attack in the USA that killed over 3000 people and shook the world said it very clearly. "We cannot win the war with the infidels by terrorist action alone, we must outbreed them!" The Catholic Church is the same, but they do it more slyly!
Does the Church really want to save lives? In Ireland there was that pregnant woman Savita who would die without an abortion. They refused to let her abort, so she died. There are thousands of children being born in those poor African countries that can't support so many children so they die from hunger. This is called "abortion after birth"! If we don't control population growth, one day in the future the whole human race will be "aborted"!
Is God really against abortion? The Great Flood that God created murdered tens of millions of innocent children and babies, born and unborn. God probably killed off at least a million unborn babies, ie. "Fetus". So you see, God not only aborts, he does it indescriminatly and murders the mother (and all the rest of the family too) at the same time. If God can murder the whole human race without batting an eyelash, then why can't we abort a few fetuses?

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#375 Postby VINDICATOR » May 30th, 2018, 12:38 pm

Breaking news from Belgiumstan (formerly Belgium):
Benjamin Herman, a convict in a Belgiumstan prison was given a vacation from prison, so he went on a terrorist rampage killing 3 persons including 2 cops and injuring a lot more while yelling "Allahu Akbar!" He was in a prison with many Muslims who converted him to Islam. (In the US also a lot of Jihadis are recruited in prison! It seems to be very easy to convert convicts to Islam!) As you see, Belgiumstan is well down the road to assimilation. (Guess who is assimilating who!) The PC in Belgiumstan is very high class, convicts can get a vacation from prison if it can help the assimilation!

If you are a thinker this will amuse you. Otherwise it will make you feel sad. So says Horace Walpole.

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#376 Postby VINDICATOR » May 31st, 2018, 1:06 pm

So much for Islam. Now for the Catholic Church.
Did it strike you as queer that the Catholic Church didn't meddle in the recent plebiscite on abortion in Ireland? Why didn't they use some of their gold hord to try to influence the plebiscite? To put it simply, they recognized that whatever they did would be useless, because the Irish don't listen to the Church any more. Remember the plebiscite on same-sex marriage a few years ago? The Church lost. The Church knew that it was going to lose this plebiscite too, no matter what they did. They also realized that each time the Church loses, it greatly weakens their ability to control the next fight! In order to save face, the Church didn't take part in the plebiscite.
The Catholic Church is losing it's influence on Europe and is now putting it's chips on South America! However, due to the sexual criminology of the Church, they are having a hard time of it there too, like in Chile.
What the Church needs is another Reformation. If Francis really wanted to leave a huge footprint on the sands of time then he should modernize the Church to be compatible with humanism!

VINDICATOR
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Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#377 Postby VINDICATOR » June 2nd, 2018, 2:48 pm

Slavery in the Bible:
Less than 10% of the Christians read the Bible. And they read it "cherry picking", only reading things like "The Lord's Prayer" or "The Lord is my Shepherd"! In The Bible God tells you to conquor, murder, plunder, rape, enslave, etc. However, today I will just discuss slavery.
I have argued with Fundies about slavery in the Bible, for instance, the Bible teaches you how to sell your own daughter into slavery! The Fundies have two arguments: 1-This is the Old Testament and only applies for Jews. 2-In those days slavery was actually good, because food was scarce, and when rich men took slaves it saved them from starvation! You shouldn't call them slaves, you should call them indentured servants!!! If this argument was valid, then the African slaves sold to the American slave owners should be very thankful to the slave owners who gave them food, housing, etc. for their livelihood! Their life on the American plantation was much better than their lives in Africa where many of them would probably starve to death or be murdered by their Muslim slave owners! And that is the logic of our Bible Thumping friends! (But I don't understand why so many blacks want to thump their Bibles too!)
During the Civil War, the Confederacy (The southern slave States) considered it a "Holy War" because they were upholding the sanctity of the Bible which condones slavery!
Here is a link where you can find out all about slavery and other evils in the Bible:
http://www.evilbible.com/

VINDICATOR
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Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#378 Postby VINDICATOR » June 3rd, 2018, 1:39 pm

That link I gave you yesterday "evilbible" is actually quite unsatisfactory. First of all, he pulls his punches and is too tepid. For instance when he tells you how God murders people, he leaves out the Great Flood where God murdered the whole human race (except for 8 Jews). His ranting on the definition of "Atheism" is also unsatisfactory. He should have spent some ink on discussing Humanism! However, even so, a Bible-thumper wouldn't be able to read it through, because there are no cherries for him to pick!
However, he did make the point clear that Jesus himself said that he did not come to declare the Old Testament obsolete, it is still valid, including all the sayings of God condoning slavery. Slavery is also condoned in the New Testament, an example is Ephesians 6:5 "Slaves,obey your masters with fear and trembling, in singleness of heart, as you obey Christ!" They should put that up in a monument, side by side to the Ten Commandments!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#379 Postby VINDICATOR » June 4th, 2018, 3:31 pm

Kudas, Ireland!
One of my favorite websites is Irish Central. It first attracted my attention a couple of years ago when Ireland had a plebescite on same-sex marriage and the Catholic Church lost! Recently the Church lost again on the vote for abortion! The Church is shell-shocked but I.C. has taken it in stride! They seem to be unfazed by the Church losing it's grip on Ireland, and even the whole of Europe! From now on, South America will be the last bastion of the Church! The Church is rather ricketty in South America too because of it's sex crimes! All the Bishops resigned in Chile because of the Church's cover-up of the sex crimes! Pope Francis seems to be seeing the writing on the wall too, and recently said many un-Catholic remark. He said that evolution does not contradict creation! He even said he loves the LGBT! Let's see how far he can go and still be the Pope!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#380 Postby VINDICATOR » June 5th, 2018, 1:11 pm

Kudos again, Ireland!
I just saw on Irish Central that the Ireland soccer team beat the US team. What is very interesting is that the uniform of the Irish soccer team has a bit of the LGBT rainbow on it to show support for the LGBT in their sruggle for equality!
Ireland is becoming the leader in the struggle for human rights
I think that about 4 to 5 generations ago one of my ancestors was Irish. This makes me proud!
In yesterday's edition of Irish Central I saw a very interesting article on "Murphy's Law". Stated very simply it is: "In human activity, if anything can go wrong then it will!" This is not always a bad thing. However, it takes a genius to turn something bad into something good. If you go to my joke No. 113 you will see how Edward Jenner turned a failed experiment into a discovery that saved at least 100 million lives! He vindicated Murphy's Law!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 436
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#381 Postby VINDICATOR » June 6th, 2018, 1:07 pm

Here is a joke to celebrate our victory over Catholic dogma:

The other day I went to the office and noticed that they were all smiling and pointing to my feet. I looked down and but didn't see anything wrong. I went over and asked my best friend what they were laughing about.
He said: "They are laughing at your feet. You have one green sock and one red sock, and you look like a walking traffic light!"
I said: "what's even funnier is that I have another pair of socks exactly the same!"

:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:


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