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Regrets?

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kbell
Posts: 1146
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 11:27 pm

Regrets?

#1 Post by kbell » January 8th, 2016, 1:55 pm

What do older people regret most in their lives? The answer is here: http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style ... 00851.html

I found it a bit surprising and I'm guessing that with the passage of time, some things regretted deeply in the years that followed, paled into insignificance with the passage of time. Am I right?

Personally I regret a few hurtful things I've said and done to people as well as some of the bad relationships I've had. I can't say I've spent a huge amount of time worrying about anything.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Kathryn
Kathryn

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Dave B
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Re: Regrets?

#2 Post by Dave B » January 8th, 2016, 3:16 pm

Yup, I can associate with that, pity it takes most of a lifetime to understand that worrying achieves nothing. Regret, guilt, for mistakes made in the past, is unfortunate and, possibly, "curable" with the right attitude, therapy or meditation - whichever works for you.

"Concern" is a different matter, worry is an emotion and not always under concious control - concern is more positive in some ways IMO, it can be a motivator to provide emotional, mental or physical energy. I don't think it as just a grade of "worry".

I have adopted Alfred E. Neuman's philosophy of, "What, me worry?". I am concerned enough about a friend's drinking to chide her gently about it, but I will not let it worry me, will not allow it to pass the barrier into an emotion deep enough to seriously affect my own life. She knows the dangers and seems emotionally stable (I have known her, and her late husband, for over 20 years.)

I admit that, not having kids, I am missing one of the prime worries for most parents. I have the luxury of being able to dissociate myself from such close matters.
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

Maria Mac
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Re: Regrets?

#3 Post by Maria Mac » January 8th, 2016, 4:34 pm

kbell wrote: Personally I regret a few hurtful things I've said and done to people as well as some of the bad relationships I've had.
This. I particularly regret not being nicer to my parents, not getting to know my mother better and not getting her to share more memories of her early life. I wish I hadn't wasted as much time feeling hurt and upset about not very important things but I didn't exactly have a choice in the matter. Sometimes you just can't help how you feel and that includes worrying about one's kids in a cruel and hostile world.

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Dave B
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Re: Regrets?

#4 Post by Dave B » January 8th, 2016, 6:21 pm

Athena wrote:
kbell wrote: Personally I regret a few hurtful things I've said and done to people as well as some of the bad relationships I've had.
This. I particularly regret not being nicer to my parents, not getting to know my mother better and not getting her to share more memories of her early life. I wish I hadn't wasted as much time feeling hurt and upset about not very important things but I didn't exactly have a choice in the matter. Sometimes you just can't help how you feel and that includes worrying about one's kids in a cruel and hostile world.
Hind-site and retrospect soften the edges of most worries.

Takes decades to learn that worry is counter productive, even when one is told so in one's youth. Hormones have a lot to answer for!
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

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animist
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Joined: July 30th, 2010, 11:36 pm

Re: Regrets?

#5 Post by animist » January 8th, 2016, 7:05 pm

I don't really have any regrets - in the sense that I really think I would have been better advised to have acted differently, and I have been incredibly lucky in my career and choice of spouse. But one interesting thing (to me, probably only) is that I now have lots of dreams featuring my inability to cope with jobs I had years and years ago; at the time I suppose I just accepted my inefficiency, now in some sense it must bother me. Strange

lewist
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Re: Regrets?

#6 Post by lewist » January 10th, 2016, 9:31 am

Yes, I regret some specifics of words said or thoughtlessness. I used to worry about my children but they are all in their thirties now and have become good people, people to be proud of.

Next month it will be eight years since Maureen died and I do have regrets regarding her. There was a point where I realised how lucky I was to be married to such a wonderful woman but you can't carry that all the time. Life is too humdrum and you have to shop, work out childcare and all the rest. I suppose the regret attached to that is that she died and I can no longer tell her how much I love her.

Worry? I was the hunter-gatherer, off out to bring home fresh mammoth... well, a salary that would keep five anyway, and there was worry associated with that. Looking back, it was a huge responsibility and there was worry attached. We supported each other. Life was good.

I strive to be a good person, to help when help is needed, but there is so much wrong in the world and no individual can sort it all. Maybe that's a regret.
Carpe diem. Savour every moment.

Compassionist
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Re: Regrets?

#7 Post by Compassionist » January 15th, 2016, 5:41 pm

:)

kbell
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Re: Regrets?

#8 Post by kbell » March 6th, 2016, 6:08 pm

Compassionist wrote: I regret not having the power to prevent all suffering - if I was omnipotent and omniscient I definitely would have prevented all suffering.
Which is more of a wish than a regret and one I'm sure we all share. :)
Kathryn

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Re: Regrets?

#9 Post by Compassionist » March 6th, 2016, 6:28 pm

kbell wrote:
Compassionist wrote: I regret not having the power to prevent all suffering - if I was omnipotent and omniscient I definitely would have prevented all suffering.
Which is more of a wish than a regret and one I'm sure we all share. :)
I understand what you mean.

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Caring Guy
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Re: Regrets?

#10 Post by Caring Guy » March 21st, 2016, 11:59 am

Mine is simply not working hard enough in my youth with studies and friendship.
I was so self centered back then and it has cost me - I would love to go back and start fresh and do it properly.

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Dave B
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Re: Regrets?

#11 Post by Dave B » March 21st, 2016, 2:14 pm

Caring Guy wrote:Mine is simply not working hard enough in my youth with studies and friendship.
I was so self centered back then and it has cost me - I would love to go back and start fresh and do it properly.
And we never learn from our parents! There was an actor who said something like, "As I came to my mid-twenties I found it amazing how much my father had matured and come to see the world as it really is."
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015

Maria Mac
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Re: Regrets?

#12 Post by Maria Mac » March 21st, 2016, 2:19 pm

Caring Guy wrote:Mine is simply not working hard enough in my youth with studies and friendship.
I was so self centered back then and it has cost me - I would love to go back and start fresh and do it properly.
(Bold added). I have thought about this one a lot with regard to studies. If only I hadn't put friendships, socialising and all other interests above them. Would I do much different if I could do it all again? Probably not because I'd still be the same person and every bit as lazy and unable to keep focussed on anything that didn't engage me enough as I was the first time and as I still am. And if I'd taken a different path academically i.e. gone to uni at 18 instead of 25 and done anything post-grad, I would have had a very different life in every way - jobs, relationships, family - and I'm actually very happy with the way things have turned out in this one.

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Alan H
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Re: Regrets?

#13 Post by Alan H » March 21st, 2016, 3:32 pm

Athena wrote:
Caring Guy wrote:Mine is simply not working hard enough in my youth with studies and friendship.
I was so self centered back then and it has cost me - I would love to go back and start fresh and do it properly.
(Bold added). I have thought about this one a lot with regard to studies. If only I hadn't put friendships, socialising and all other interests above them. Would I do much different if I could do it all again? Probably not because I'd still be the same person and every bit as lazy and unable to keep focussed on anything that didn't engage me enough as I was the first time and as I still am. And if I'd taken a different path academically i.e. gone to uni at 18 instead of 25 and done anything post-grad, I would have had a very different life in every way - jobs, relationships, family - and I'm actually very happy with the way things have turned out in this one.
So am I, my dear, so am I. :smile:
Alan Henness

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1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
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Caring Guy
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Re: Regrets?

#14 Post by Caring Guy » April 16th, 2016, 11:21 pm

Dave B wrote:
Caring Guy wrote:Mine is simply not working hard enough in my youth with studies and friendship.
I was so self centered back then and it has cost me - I would love to go back and start fresh and do it properly.
And we never learn from our parents! There was an actor who said something like, "As I came to my mid-twenties I found it amazing how much my father had matured and come to see the world as it really is."
That's very true

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gentle_dissident
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Re: Regrets?

#15 Post by gentle_dissident » May 20th, 2016, 7:25 am

I don't know what good regrets would do me. Life is an education.

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