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God was a Jew and other jokes

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
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VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#121 Postby VINDICATOR » August 13th, 2017, 3:00 pm

Latest post of the previous page:

Correction:
Some versions of the Bible call the "dome" of the universe, where the stars are attached, the "firmament", not "fundament" as I mistakenly stated. I hope this didn't create any confusion among my readers. It took me many years to get to understand the structure of the universe as detailed in Genesis. It's much more difficult to understand than the structure of the real universe which I could understand when I was a young child! Didn't any of you have any trouble to understand the universe of Genesis?

Scintillate scintillate asteroid minific,
Fain would I ponder your nature specific.
Poised far aloft in the ether capacious,
Strongly resembling a gem carbonacious!

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#122 Postby VINDICATOR » August 14th, 2017, 6:38 am

The "evolution" of the universe.
The first try at describing the universe was made by the writers of the Bible. As I showed you, they thought that it was just like a huge "planetarium", where the stars, sun, moon, etc. were just lights in the domed ceiling. Not a bad try for bronze age nomads! As civilization progressed, the universe started to "evolve". First it was realized that the Earth was a sphere. Next came the geocentric model. Then came the heliocentric model. Finally, Giordano Bruno came up with the ultimate true description of the universe 4 Centuries ago. He said that there was no center of the universe. He said that all the stars we see are actually distant suns, all with planets revolving around them. It is only a few months ago that these exoplanets were actually discovered. Bruno was a genius! He should get a posthumous Nobel Prize! Imagine, it took scientists 4 Centuries to prove his foresight! It only took one Century to prove Einstein's foresight on gravity waves!
The "prize" they gave him was to burn at the stake! When is the Catholic Church going to admit their crime and beg for forgiveness?

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#123 Postby VINDICATOR » August 17th, 2017, 6:12 am

Jesus feeds the multitude on two fish and a loaf of bread:
There are 2 scenarios:
Scenario 1: It's true magic, it was enough to feed thousands of people!
Scenario 2: The vegans wouldn't touch the fish! Jesus couldn't supply proof that the bread didn't contain gluten, or the food was not contaminated by mercury etc. They would only eat "green" food uncontaminated by non-green fertilizers, etc. Some people thought it was a scam and the food made by magic would put them asleep when their valuables could be stolen! In the end nobody touched the food and everybody went home hungry!
:hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#124 Postby VINDICATOR » August 17th, 2017, 12:35 pm

The United States is pro-slavery?
The BLM (Black Lives Matter) movement in the US is gaining momentum. They are tearing down all monuments that are not anti-slavery enough such as those about the Confederacy (the South which was for slavery). Some even want to tear down the monuments to Thomas Jefferson because he was a slave owner! So was Washington! Next they will have to tear up the Declaration of Independence because 41 of the 56 signers were slave owners! That means that the "Declaration" is invalid. That, of course, means that America is still a colony of Great Britain! Britain has lost Europe but it has regained America!
:hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#125 Postby VINDICATOR » August 18th, 2017, 3:02 pm

The BLM has taken a huge bite!
Tearing up the Declaration of Independance will make many Englishmen happy. Much of the land of the colonies was private property of the English. Even today the Duke of Westminster says that Virginia is his and he was robbed and now he wants it back!
One thing more. The BLM will also have to burn all the Bibles, because both O and N Testaments defend slavery! Then they will have to tear down all the Churches of those religions that use the Bible! I can think of many more things that they will have to do, but I will leave some to your imagination!
:hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#126 Postby VINDICATOR » August 22nd, 2017, 2:33 pm

Some related subjects:
The BLM will also have to burn up all the money with pictures of slave owners on them such as George Washington! They will have to change the name of the Capitol. They have a big job ahead!
It's interesting to note that although Blacks weren't allowed to vote before 1865. However, women were not allowed to vote until 1920, so the women should organize a WLM too and take down everything that was put up before 1920!
I never studied English history, could someone tell me what year did the Blacks and women get to vote in England?
:D :D

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#127 Postby VINDICATOR » August 26th, 2017, 2:59 pm

Some more on magic in the Bible. Today's topic is water.
The Bible loves to do magic with water, here are a few examples:
1-Parting the Red Sea. Moses parts the Red Sea as easily as you turn on the Faucet creating walls of water on either side!
2-Moses turns the millions of tons of water in the Nile into blood!
3-God brings on the Great Flood which covers Mt. Everest which is 7 miles hugh. He would have to create at least 10 times as much water as there is in all the oceans! And send it down as rain in 40 days!
4-Jesus turns water into wine.
5-Jesus walks on water.
I'm sure you could cull up some examples too.
:laughter: :laughter:

Cairsley
Posts: 28
Joined: July 4th, 2014, 2:25 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#128 Postby Cairsley » August 26th, 2017, 3:58 pm

VINDICATOR wrote:. . . I never studied English history, could someone tell me what year did the Blacks and women get to vote in England?
:D :D

Whereas the Representation of the People Act of 1918 gave the vote to all men aged 21 year and over in England, it gave the vote only to women who were householders aged 30 years and over. It was not until 1928 that women in England were given the vote on the same terms as men.

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#129 Postby VINDICATOR » August 27th, 2017, 2:02 pm

Dear Cairsley,
Thanks for the answer I was waiting for!
The list of Emancipatees is long. First came the common (non royalty) males. Next come the Black slaves. Then come women. Then we have the LGBTQ who have won freedom in many countries including Catholic Ireland! They are having a great battle with the Church in Australia right now, but I'm sure they will win! The final battle of opression is with Islam. Their women will never be liberated. There are also no open LGBT in Islamia, because they will be put to death and go to hell, so they stay in the closet! Their lives are very miserable, it drives them crazy like the gay Muslim Omar Mateen who murdered 49 other gays in a nightclub in Orlando Florida in 2016.
The fight for Human Rights is long and difficult and hasn't been won yet! This is the most glorious of all the battle fields. These are the real heros!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#130 Postby VINDICATOR » August 28th, 2017, 2:56 pm

A Vatican joke:
I just saw on the internet news today that a New Jersy priest, Fr. Kevin Gugliotta, was just sentenced to 2 years in prison for uploading child pornography. He said with a straight face that he "only did it to punish God for making him lose at poker!" He said he has been doing a lot of praying in prison. However he didn't say whether he was praising God, or cursing God.
Now for the funny part: The Archdiocese has not decided yet if he will be allowed to return as a priest! Well why not? He is better than those priests that rape children and are then transferred to another Church where they can escape the law and continue their hobby! Does anyone know if priests have to go to confession too? If so, then their "confession" would actually just be having fun exchanging their pedophilic activities!
I just can't understand why anyone still wants to be a Catholic today!
:hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#131 Postby VINDICATOR » August 31st, 2017, 11:18 am

Was God an astronomer?
The Bible tells us that God created daylight on the first day of creation. Having daylight solved the problem photosynthesis, so then he created vegetation and animals. God didn't bother with the sun until the 4th day!
Now for the 64 dollar question: Having solved the problem of light and photosynthesis, why did God create the sun? This question puzzled me for a long time then I found the answer in the Bible! In Genesis 1:14 God says: "let there be lights in the dome of the sky---and let them be for signs"! Voila! The light hit me like it did to Saul on the road to Damascus! God made the sun, moon and stars for the express purpose of astrological fortune-telling, because God was NOT an astronomer, he was an Astrologist!!
:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#132 Postby VINDICATOR » September 2nd, 2017, 2:25 pm

This joke is a bonus for my dear readers:
A young monk arrived at a monastary. He was assigned to help the other monks to copy all the old canons and laws of the Church by hand, because xerox hadn't been invented yet. He noticed that the other monks were all copying from other copies and not the originals. So he says to the Abbot, "This is dangerous because even a small error in the first copy would never be discovered and would be continued in all the subsequent copies!The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for Centuries, but you make a good point my son!Then he goes into the dark caverns underneath the monastary where the original manuscripts are held in an archive behind a locked door that hadn't been opened for Centuries.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old Abbot. So the young man gets worried and goes down to look for him. He finds him banging his head against the wall and wailing: "We missed the R! We missed the R!" His forehead was bloody and bruised and he was crying uncontrollably.
The young man asks the Abbot, "What's wrong Father? Which "R" is missing?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies: "The original word was CELEBRATE!"
:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#133 Postby VINDICATOR » September 4th, 2017, 12:39 pm

Sex and religion.
Every Religion is reeking with sex. Religion could not exist without sex. You don't agree with me? Let's take a look at the religions one at a time.
Let's start out with Christianity. All historians know that Virgin Mary was raped by a Roman soldier "Pantheras" who was Jesus' biological father. In that day, any unmarried woman having sex was committing the sin of fornication and was sentenced to death by stoning. Being raped is not a valid excuse! In order to save Mary's life, they concocted this fairy tale of immaculate conception. You used to be able to find all this in Wikipedia and other sources but a large shipment of Vatican gold has cleaned the slate! So now Jesus' father is God. According to the Bible, God layed many virgins, not just a Mary. God had many sons, called Nephilim, who were always laying virgins too! This made God mad and is one of the reasons God killed off the human race in a Great Flood! Anyway, the bastard Jesus, founder of the Church, was the result of a rape by God or Pantheras! (Btw, bastards are good people, they didn't do anything wrong! Their parents committed the crime!)
Btw, every time the armies of Moses conquored a tribe, they would kill all the men and women and boys leaving only the virgins for sex slaves. A certain number of these were given to God as a tribute! (See Numbers 31)
That's all I have time for today. Tomorrow we will take a look at Islam!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#134 Postby VINDICATOR » September 5th, 2017, 1:00 pm

Religion and sex-2: Islam:
The founder of Islam, Mohammed, was a sex fiend and pedophile. He had at least 16 "wives" many underage, the youngest Aisha, was only 6 years old when he married her!
In Islam, there is no "wife", there are only sex slaves, breeding machines, and household servants. Women are treated like slaves!
If you die for Islam you will be rewarded with 72 virgin sex slaves in heaven. That's the ruse for recruiting kaffirs into their Church. It's very effective, that's why you see so many Muslim martyrs blowing themselves up in a crowd of infidels yelling "Allah Akbar"!
Tomorrow you will hear about Joseph Smith!
:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
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Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#135 Postby VINDICATOR » September 6th, 2017, 11:51 am

Before we discuss Joseph Smith, I would like to say something more about Islam.
Islam is not a true religion. It is a social political system masquerading as a religion. They must obey the Shariah laws with heart and soul. When Islam sporns those evil cults like Boko Haram (kidnaps hundreds of school girls for sex slaves), ISIS (teaches children how to behead kaffir etc.) Taliban (shoots school girls in the head/blows them up) Alqaeda (9/11), etc. most Muslims aren't like that, however, they condone them with their deafening silence! Why don't the "good" Muslims do something to stop them and not just sit back watching the circus? Very simple: they can't, because they are Muslims first and human beings second! Now Europe is importing millions of fast-breeding Muslims. When they have out-bred the Europeans and become the majority, then they will establish Shariah Law! That will be the end of Western Civilization as we know it today! Good luck everybody! See you in Hell!!
:shrug: :shrug: :shrug:

VINDICATOR
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Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#136 Postby VINDICATOR » September 7th, 2017, 7:26 am

Sorry for the typo yesterday, "sporns" should be "spawns".
I think everyone is familiar with Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism, religion of the "latter day saints"! It's also obvious that he founded the religion so he could marry at least 40 "wives"! Many were in their teens, he admits that the youngest was 14.
Here is the way he did it (when you start a religion you can try it too):
Whenever he saw a girl he wanted to lay, he would go to her parents and say: "God told me that if you and your family want to go to heaven then you must give me your daughter as my wife!"
So you see, God is very useful sometimes! Sex and religion go hand-in-hand! It's very effective. Did you know that there are more Mormons than there are Jews?
And that, dear reader, is the reason Smith founded Mormonism.
There are many other cults like this such as "The People's Temple", but they are too small to waste my time on!
:laughter: :laughter: :laughter: :laughter:

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animist
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Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#137 Postby animist » September 7th, 2017, 3:25 pm

VINDICATOR wrote:Religion and sex-2: Islam:
The founder of Islam, Mohammed, was a sex fiend and pedophile. He had at least 16 "wives" many underage, the youngest Aisha, was only 6 years old when he married her!
In Islam, there is no "wife", there are only sex slaves, breeding machines, and household servants. Women are treated like slaves!
If you die for Islam you will be rewarded with 72 virgin sex slaves in heaven. That's the ruse for recruiting kaffirs into their Church. It's very effective, that's why you see so many Muslim martyrs blowing themselves up in a crowd of infidels yelling "Allah Akbar"!
Tomorrow you will hear about Joseph Smith!
:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:
much as I like a lot of your posts, VInnie, I fear you do tread too near Islamophobia sometimes. Do you know many Muslims? Neither do I! But I suggest you read the attached article from the secular and left-of-centre magazine New Statesman, since it puts a contemporary and pragmatic take on polygamy: http://www.newstatesman.com/lifestyle/r ... er-husband

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#138 Postby VINDICATOR » September 8th, 2017, 3:42 pm

Dear animist,
Thanks for the comment. I welcome all comments especially criticizing ones. A debate environment makes it more lively!
I read the newstatesman article you introduced but didn't see any contradiction to what I said about Islam. British law prohibits polygamy, whereas Shariah Law encourages it! According to Shariah Law, a man can have several wives and unlimitted concubines and temporary wives. These Muslims are British citizens but they practise Shariah Law secretely. When they outbreed the English and become the majority, then they can legitimately/openly establish Shariah Law which you will have to obey then! This is actually happening in some of those districts in Belgium like the Molenbeek which is all Muslim and they recognize only Shariah!!
I told you that most Muslims are good people. The Jihadists hurt them very much too. They are caught in a trap, they despise those evil cults like Boko Haram, ISIS, Taliban, Alqeada, etc. but there hands are tied, they can do nothing about it. Their plight is very miserable. The most miserable of all are the gay Muslims. They are hunted down and murdered. They can't go to heaven. This makes them go crazy like Omar Mateen who was laughing hysterically all the time when he killed 50 other gays in the Pulse nightclub in Orlando Florida! I don't hate the Muslims, I feel sorry for them!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#139 Postby VINDICATOR » September 9th, 2017, 4:40 pm

Christianity vs. Islam:
There are 2 principle religions in the World today, Christianity and Islam. All the others don't have much influence.Christianity, accounting for about 1/3 0f the world population, has about 2.1 billion converts. Islam is second place with about 1.6 billion. (billion=1,000,000,000). All the rest are negligable as far as their influence is concerned. These 2 great religions have been fighting a Holy War for world domination for 14 Centuries! Christianity has made great strides in the past 4 Centuries evolving from a monster that murdered millions of people on a whim, to the friendly religion we see today that is more or less compatible with a secular society. On the other hand, Islam refuses to evolve , so it is stuck in a stone age quagmire and keeps spawning evil cults like Boko Haram, ISIS etc. I don't believe in a personal God who sits on a throne deciding who goes to hell. I believe the world would be a much better place if there were no religions. However, I sadly recognize that most people want a religion. Therefore I would not terminate Christianity before Islam is terminated. We could not handle Islam by ourselves, we need Christianity as an ally, just like we needed Stalin as an ally in order to terminate the 3rd Reich! Another way to put it is that Islam is a life terminating disease like small pox, whereas Christianity is a non lethal mild disease like cow pox. If you vaccinate a person with cow pox (Christianity), then you can make him immune to small pox (Islam). Therefor we must encourage Christianity to keep existing for the present!
Some more on this subject tomorrow.

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#140 Postby VINDICATOR » September 10th, 2017, 6:17 am

Who gets the gold medal for breeding?
I have heard that one of the reasons that European nations import great quantities of Muslim immigrants is because their population is decreasing due to the decline in birth-rate, and importing Muslims is a cheap way to solve this problem. As you know, Muslims breed like rabbits. According to Shariah Law, a Muslim girl can start breeding at the ripe old age of six, because their founding father Mohammed married a girl of this age. I have also heard projections of the results of this breeding, For instance some European nations might become over-run by Muslims and Establish Shariah law by plebecite! Before the end of this Century, Islam will exceed Christianity World wide!
The USA is also changing. By the middle of the Century whites will become a minority. The blacks and Chicano breed much faster than the whites. However, that's no worry, because blacks and Chicanos are almost all Christian and there is no danger of the USA becoming a Shariah country in the forseeable future. So if your country is on the verge of going Shariah, you can immigrate to the USA where Christianity will keep Islam at bay!
Now do you see why I warn you not to let Christianity die out?
:laughter: :laughter: :laughter: :laughter:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 266
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#141 Postby VINDICATOR » September 10th, 2017, 2:00 pm

Hurray for Brexit!
Forcing the Muslim refugees down your throats is the masterpiece of Merkle and company. Those ME Caliphates like the UAE have so much petro money that they don't know what to do with it. They spend billions to build mile-high sky-scrapers! They turn the scorching deserts into ski resorts! They give their princes millions of dollars a day for pocket money which they spend gambling in casinos. They spend millions of dollars bribing western politicians. Why don't they take in the refugees? They have plenty of land and money. They wouldn't even have to assimilate, they have the same religion and ways of life! The Pope scolds us for not taking in the refugees. He has thousands of tons of gold in the Vatican cellars. How many refugees has he assimilated?
I'll tell you a secret. Osama Bin Laden said that Terrorist actions like 9/11 would not conquor the West, the only way is to "infiltrate and outbreed!" When the Muslim population attains a majority then "a plebiscite would be held to establish Shariah Law!" This is not too far away for countries like Norway and Sweden! Britain got out just in the nick of time! Otherwise the Englishman of the future would wear a towel for a hat and have a big hook nose. You wouldn't know what the women looked like because they would carry a tent around wherever they went!
:laughter: :laughter: :laughter: :laughter:


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