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Joined: March 13th, 2011, 12:36 pm
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Location: Between the New Forest and Cranborne Chase
The astrology thread reminded me that I had this lurking on my hard drive...

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid.

PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates and people resent your flaunting of your power. You lack confidence and you are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.

ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You are a pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are prone to smashing windows and spitting. In fact, you are a prick.

TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. At least, that's how you like to see yourself; in fact, most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. Taureans have BO, halitosis and fart a lot. You are a Communist.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you, but only because you are bisexual and an easy lay. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are renowned for thriving on incest.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker and walk all over you. You are always procrastinating and that is why you will never make anything of your life and will always be on state benefit. You are not worth a shit.

LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader; everyone else thinks you are pushy. All Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot stand criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are all thieving bastards.

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder; this nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making love. Virgos make excellent bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are gay, even if you don't know it. Libra women make excellent prostitutes. Whatever your gender, chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. All Libra people die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a social mis-fit and a total bastard. Most Scorpio people are murdered, usually in bed.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck because you are utterly devoid of talent. The majority of Sagittarians are alcoholics, heroin addicts, or both. People laugh at you a great deal.

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Steve

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool. (Richard Feynman)


June 29th, 2011, 12:01 pm
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Joined: January 20th, 2011, 2:45 pm
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Quote:
Taureans have BO, halitosis and fart a lot.

Hey, that's me! Astrology must be genuine after all.

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June 29th, 2011, 12:36 pm
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Oh that's just great. You don't think us Capricorns even exist, do you? Typical arrogance of all other birth signs.

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Alan Henness

"We're all in this together, but some are more in it than others."
— Me, with apologies to Napoleon


June 29th, 2011, 12:48 pm
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My response was exactly the same as Alan's! We Capricorns have a sense of being ripped-off and dissed at every opportunity by the smart-arses of the ROZ. (Rest of Zodiac)


June 29th, 2011, 1:16 pm
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Location: Between the New Forest and Cranborne Chase
Given that there has never been a Capricornian of any importance, that star sign is now revoked. Any former Capricornians have two choices: you may either become Ophiuchians, where you'll never get a horoscope because astrologers don't know how to do it, or you may apply to join another zodiac sign -- if anyone will have you.

I'd have thought everyone would have known that already.

But here's what you would have had:


CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as they take root and become trees. Dogs piss on you.


I bet you wish you hadn't whinged, now. :laughter:

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Steve

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool. (Richard Feynman)


June 29th, 2011, 3:22 pm
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See what we mean? Bleedin' Rozzer!
Tetenterre wrote:
you may either become Ophiuchians, where you'll never get a horoscope because astrologers don't know how to do it,

Don't know how to pronounce it?

Tetenterre wrote:
There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.

Jeebus! And Rudolph!


June 29th, 2011, 4:10 pm
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:hilarity:

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"We're all in this together, but some are more in it than others."
— Me, with apologies to Napoleon


June 29th, 2011, 4:21 pm
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I am Taurean and I really take offence at this. I AM NOT A COMMUNIST.


June 29th, 2011, 8:14 pm
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Val wrote:
I am Taurean and I really take offence at this. I AM NOT A COMMUNIST.

That's like a red flag to a bull!


June 30th, 2011, 12:25 am
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Val wrote:
I am Taurean and I really take offence at this. I AM NOT A COMMUNIST.


Calm down, Val. Maybe you didn't know you were, but the stars cannot be wrong. Trust me.

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Steve

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool. (Richard Feynman)


June 30th, 2011, 12:59 am
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Location: Birmingham, England
I am a Virgo and have long been considering a career change. Thanks for your horological guidance. Where does one apply to become a pimp?

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June 30th, 2011, 5:36 pm
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It appears Venus is warning me to be careful in dealing with a friend......


OK, which one of you guys is about to throw a wobbler?


June 30th, 2011, 6:31 pm
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I would throw a wobler If it would make you happy Nick but the last one I threw never came back and due to the economic climate I cant afford a new one.(aquarius)


June 30th, 2011, 11:14 pm
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It's all bollocks of course, but read somewhere today that with careful choice of intercourse date and with use of caesarean birth one can choose one's child's star sign ??????


September 5th, 2011, 4:29 pm
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jaywhat wrote:
but read somewhere today that with careful choice of intercourse date and with use of caesarean birth one can choose one's child's star sign


I always choose my intercourse dates carefully...

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September 5th, 2011, 5:43 pm
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...whereas I just grab any chance I get.


Of course, it's all bollox.


But I would say that, being Aries.


September 5th, 2011, 8:56 pm
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Nick wrote:
...whereas I just grab any chance I get.


Of course, it's all bollox.


But I would say that, being Aries.

Rubbish! Arians are superstitious. It's only us Capricorns that think it's bollox!


September 5th, 2011, 9:00 pm
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I'm a heavenly twin [apparently] :rolleyes:
I wont listen to "Steve Wright" On radio 2 because he has "astrologers" on, he once took seriously a woman who claimed she could read the minds of peoples pets :hilarity: I really don't like the guy.

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September 5th, 2011, 9:47 pm
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Alan C. wrote:
I'm a heavenly twin [apparently] :rolleyes:
I wont listen to "Steve Wright" On radio 2 because he has "astrologers" on, he once took seriously a woman who claimed she could read the minds of peoples pets :hilarity: I really don't like the guy.

And what does your newt think?


September 5th, 2011, 9:51 pm
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Quote:
thundril
And what does your newt think?
All my pets share my views ALWAYS........ :smile:

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September 5th, 2011, 9:55 pm
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