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Just a Joke
Re: Just a Joke
Just heard on "The News Quiz" (paraphrased):
Mrs Smith of Adelaide is suing Adelaide Hospital because her husband lost all interest in sex after a procedure there.
A hospital spokesman said:
Mrs Smith of Adelaide is suing Adelaide Hospital because her husband lost all interest in sex after a procedure there.
A hospital spokesman said:
Spoiler:
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015
Me, 2015
Re: Just a Joke
Alan Henness
There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:
1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?
There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:
1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?
Re: Just a Joke
Alan Henness
There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:
1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?
There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:
1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?
- Tetenterre
- Posts: 3244
- Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am
Re: Just a Joke
Seasonal one:
(Well, it made me giggle...)
(Well, it made me giggle...)
Steve
Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.
Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.
Re: Just a Joke
Alan Henness
There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:
1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?
There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:
1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?
Re: Just a Joke
I left my last girlfriend because she wouldn't stop counting.
I often wonder what she's up to now.
I often wonder what she's up to now.
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015
Me, 2015
Re: Just a Joke
From the Amazon joke forum:
A wee Glasgow woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal, and asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
"Breast fed," she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did and he pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk!"
"I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad I came!"
A wee Glasgow woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal, and asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
"Breast fed," she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did and he pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk!"
"I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad I came!"
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015
Me, 2015
Re: Just a Joke
No offence like, but this is so spot on from a (North) Londonder's pov, I had to preserve it.
https://twitter.com/Amazing_Maps/status ... 13/photo/1
https://twitter.com/Amazing_Maps/status ... 13/photo/1
- Tetenterre
- Posts: 3244
- Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am
Re: Just a Joke
Steve
Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.
Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.
Re: Just a Joke
The newly selected candidate was trying a "soapbox" at a local park, but was suffering loud and constant barracking.
"Be fair," he finally shouted in a rare lull, "I can't even hear myself!"
"That's OK," came a voice from the front of the crowd, "I can hear it all, you're not missing anything interesting!"
"Be fair," he finally shouted in a rare lull, "I can't even hear myself!"
"That's OK," came a voice from the front of the crowd, "I can hear it all, you're not missing anything interesting!"
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015
Me, 2015
Re: Just a Joke
I've just come back from a ballooning holiday. I put on four stone.
Re: Just a Joke
Fred: "I don't believe there is such a thing as the 'Westminster Bubble' ."
George: "Why's that then?"
Fred: "Such a delicate thing full of pricks stands no chance!"
George: "Why's that then?"
Fred: "Such a delicate thing full of pricks stands no chance!"
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015
Me, 2015
Re: Just a Joke
just seen this on Facebook:
PARKING TICKET: My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an "a**hole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So my wife called him a "s*ithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We always look for cars with religious bumper stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age!!
PARKING TICKET: My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an "a**hole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So my wife called him a "s*ithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We always look for cars with religious bumper stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age!!
Re: Just a Joke
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo...?
Spoiler:
Re: Just a Joke
Alan Henness
There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:
1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?
There are three fundamental questions for anyone advocating Brexit:
1. What, precisely, are the significant and tangible benefits of leaving the EU?
2. What damage to the UK and its citizens is an acceptable price to pay for those benefits?
3. Which ruling of the ECJ is most persuasive of the need to leave its jurisdiction?
Re: Just a Joke
^^
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015
Me, 2015
- Tetenterre
- Posts: 3244
- Joined: March 13th, 2011, 11:36 am
Re: Just a Joke
^^^
Steve
Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.
Quantum Theory: The branch of science with which people who know absolutely sod all about quantum theory can explain anything.
Re: Just a Joke
Grafitti in HoP toilet:
"There are 4000 people working here and you are the only one who knows what he is doing."
"There are 4000 people working here and you are the only one who knows what he is doing."
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015
Me, 2015
Re: Just a Joke
The wisdom of Alfred E. Neuman...
"Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!"
"Look forward; yesterday was a lesson, if you did not learn from it you wasted it."
Me, 2015
Me, 2015